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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My comment was snarky yes but I really see that as the defining aspect of it being my family vs just a baby daddy.

If the wife doesn't have my name and the kids don't have my name, the who the hell am I?[/quote]

The love and devotion of a child transcends mere names.[/quote]

Cute.. wouldn't help the fact that my kids names would remind me that my wife doesn't respect me as a man and I apparently have no respect for myself either in this scenario[/quote]Wow. Okay, I'm sorry to sound mean but that suggests you have real problems with feelings of inadequacy.  It makes me worry for you.  And I really mean that - I'm not trying to be rude.[/quote]

I assume this was sincere so I'll respond

Wouldn't a woman who is so attached to her last name that she couldn't imagine changing it for her husband or family also have feelings of inadequacy?

I feel fine about myself. I just hate the idea of marrying a woman who insists on belittling me by giving me no recognition for my status as a husband or father in terms of how our kids are named. Luckily I'm already married, but yeah I would 100% dump any woman who would not give my last name to our kids.

It's not that my name is that important -- it's that I don't want to broadcast to the world that my wife forced me into a humiliating arrangement that 99.9% of men don't have to put up with.  Since I have options as a man in the dating market, j never have to worry about this happening though.[/quote]

Listen dude (I am not nice compassionate PP), you are missing the point. And I did change my name for whatever that is worth, although I have no problems at all with women who do not.

Your problem is that you view your wife having opinions on things like what her name is and what her children's names are to be reflections on you as a man. You view that as an intent to humiliate or something that men would judge you harshly for. And you seem to put a disproportionate amount of the value of your relationship on the opinions of people not in the relationship.

That is showing a lack of respect for women. My husband doesn't need some type of recognition or status to be my husband and the father of our children. He loves us, he is my husband because I married him and because I stay with him every day, loving him back. He loves our children because they are his children. No outside people factor into these loves. How should a wife feel about the fact that her spouse cares more about what his friends think than about how she feels about her identity? How should a child feel about the fact that her father is basing his love for her on whether or not her mother agreed to name her a specific name?

Plenty of women will have no problem changing their names and have no problem giving their child their husband's name. I am a pretty big feminist and I did both with no real thought ever to not do it. But if my husband had ever ordered me to do it, or said that his love for me and our future children was conditioned on this, then were would be problems.

And for the record that is not the same as me and my husband talking about it beforehand, me not wanting to do it and him telling me why it was important to him and me reconsidering or something. Those are all reasonable things. But if he ever said, 'if you don't do this then I'll dump you'...well someone would be getting dumped one way or another after that.

It is the height of insecurity to make major life and relationship decisions based on what the world will think. I hope you find some security some where along the way. [/quote]

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