Reply to Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They are married. Their money is combined regardless. [/quote]

unless they don't have a joint bank account, don't have kids together that would necessitate a split of expenses, i don't see how they keep their finances completely separate.[/quote]

Plenty of millennial DINKs keep their finances separate.[/quote]

point is that even if you have separate financial accounts, it's not totally separate from the family.  If one partner puts 25% of each paycheck towards loan payoff, that means they have 25% less to contribute to the overall family. [/quote]

This is what I was thinking.  If he's going to have to keep making debt payments, that's going to affect her.  An obvious example is a house purchase.  She may be comfortable with, say, $3k a month of her income going to a mortgage payment.  But if he's putting 25% of his income toward debt payments, he may say he can only afford $2k a month instead of $3k.  So that's going to mean she'll have to settle for less house.  I really don't know how couples can realistically keep finances separate.  [/quote]

Yup.  I don't get it.  Being a couple (IMO) means you are working together for everything as a couple.  Debt means less home/car/vacations/etc.  Don't understand how you can say the social worker making $40K has to drive a 10+yo beater car while the doctor making 250K gets a sports car for $70K because they can "afford it".  You are not really a couple if everything is separate.

My HHI spouse fully admits that having me be SAHP allowed them to easily focus on work and advance further (and I was making $100K+ 25+ years ago when I became SAHP, so contributing well to the family finances).  I was never "given an allowance"---I manage the finances as part of "my being the SAHP". I wouldn't want to be married to someone who used $$$ as control.  Once we got married we joined finances and worked towards goals together (including paying off their major debt of over 60K)
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