Reply to Earning Well but Drowning in Debt...how to dig out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I am really truly baffled and disgusted by the people on here who couldn't say anything more than "you shouldn't have had three kids" or who presume to think we are these upper class wannabees who get 6 year car loans, wear fancy name brand clothes, send our kids to Smithsonian camps, live in some mcmansion we cannot afford in Mclean, and try to keep up with the Joneses. What a bunch of self-righteous mean spirited people!  I came on here asking for helpful advice.  The shoulda-coulda-woulda bullsh!t just isn't helpful.

Anyone who knows us and sees our lifestyle would never ever make such judgments. Our house is extremely modest and too small for a family of 5, we are the butt of many family jokes, and actually have relatives who won't even visit/stay with us because there is nowhere for them to sleep. We deal with that and don't care, but we are not in a huge unaffordable home.  Our rowhouse would probably cost $250k almost anywhere else.  Here, it's over $700k. We have done well with our home, and will not sell it to move into a cramped 2 bedroom apartment with three kids. we realize we will be here for a while until we can dig partway out of debt. We drive Hondas for goodness sake, and they are 2012 and 2013, so almost paid off.  They are not financed under 6 year loans. I didn't even know there was such a thing.

I do appreciate the advice I got on how to trim back expenses, as well as the recommendations to look at David Ramsey, Michelle, and other experts who will motivate.

I do have a child who is musically gifted. He is not in Kindergarten as other posters have alluded to, but is in older grade in elementary school. It is not some bragging right for us wannabees to flaunt. He has been flagged as gifted by his school, and is playing his chosen instrument at a pre-professional level at a very young age, with just a couple years of training. Elementary school band/orchestra doesn't cut it at this point.  Sorry to  disappoint you naysayers. We are doing our best to support him. My middle child is graduating form prek and starting K next fall, and my youngest is 3 and has two more years of daycare. That explains the need for two summer camps this summer, and two daycares now. It also explains the need for three carseats/boosters. All three kids still need carseats. We have two dogs as well, so driving a yaris just won't work for our family.  We will hopefully have a financial break when DC2 is out of daycare, and can push that toward paying off the loans.

We are both feds and do have job security. We also are highly paid feds (if there is such a thing). We could make more in the private sector, but are not certain we want to sacrifice the job security and long hours. Neither DH nor I have a grand desire to be partners at a law firm and to have that lifestyle (again, we are not the wannabe mclean mcmansion types). We enjoy being parents, our family, and spending time with our kids.

As for camps, I agree that Smithsonian camps are too expensive. Prohibitively so for us.  I was using that as an example. We have not yet sent any of our kids to smithsonian camps.  We have done local camps through the county and also ymca, and we are planning to do a music camp for DC1 this summer. Even the county/YMCA camps are over $350/week including aftercare. For two kids that's $700/week  For cheap camp.  We are looking into finding a babysitter instead or sending kids to grandparents further south for part of the summer to help save some money.

We are planning to cash out part of our emergency fund to pay off the CC debt. That will make us feel better and also eliminate the high interest. That has been overwhelming.  Was it foolish to use CC for grad school and some maternity leave issues? Yes.  I also had some serious medical issues after maternity leave with one pregnancy and had A LOT of medical bills to pay off, e.g., over $8k. That sucked.

Again, I want to thank those of you who provided helpful and productive suggestions. Some extreme. Some not.  For those of you who could do nothing but make fun of someone who is trying to get out of the hole... Karma.[/quote]

At the end of the day you aren't living your financial reality.   I was very gifted, as in testing college level in math in middle school.  My parents couldn't afford to do a anything about it, no classes or enrichment or private schools.  They also couldn't help with college except for I think $5,000 total and not at all with grad school.  Now I will have to help them. They are a huge financial burden because they made poor choices and just never earned enough for their lifestyle.  Do you really want to not be able to help your kids and then be viewed as a burden by them?  Your only saving grace is that you're Feds so you can just retire using the fed retirement plus social security.   But your kids will have to take out loans for school for everything.  [/quote]

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