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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it sounds like you have a baby, if your oldest is just in preschool. Cut your wife a break!!  Much of what you said could be said about me but I am glad to say my DH and I are in great shape and I think he would tell you the attraction has not diminished. Part of that is because we made the decision together for me to stay home, but part of it is that he loves me and wants me to be happy, and he sees how much happier the kids are with me home than they were when I worked. We are also lucky that my DH earns enough that we can live comfortably and meet our goals without my financial contribution.  But part of why he's been as successful as he has is that my being home enables my him to give 100% to his job. He can work late, attend work dinners, travel on short notice, etc. That was NOT the case when I worked and it was really hard. It put a lot of stress on our marriage to constantly be negotiating who could do preschool drop off and who could relieve the nanny, not to mention who was going to pick up the groceries, throw dinner together, make lunches, etc. Now there's no question that I can do all those things. My DH still helps a lot when he's home but when he's not that's fine too.  Our house is messy I admit, and that's something I'm working on, but only because my youngest is now in preschool 3 mornings a week and my oldest is in kindergarten. Before that I just couldn't keep up with the house -- it doesn't come naturally to me and it was so hard with babies and toddlers. That phase really is SO difficult.  But we always caught up on weekends and the cleaning lady came once a week and it was fine. I am so glad my DH and I are on the same page because it would really make me lose respect for him if he were to cut me down the way you talk about your DW. Again, our situations aren't the same but there are a lot of similarities. This isn't what I would necessarily have chosen but my career didn't take off the way I had hoped and I felt guilty all the time being away from the kids. My DH understands that everything changes when you have kids, and the priorities and goals you had before may need to be adjusted in ways you couldn't have predicted. Try to give your wife the same understanding. [/quote]

Plus 1000!

I work FT and earn more than my husband but I have quite a few friends who stay at home FT. Staying home all day with the kids is NOT easy (even for the best of moms) and I would definitely be looking for a break when my husband got home (especially with young kids). Your wife sounds like someone who values spending time with her children doing fun activities more than cooking and cleaning, which I can completely relate to. I also agree with you that there has to be some balance though. Perhaps she can find a tastefully simple rep in her area (you build 10 frozen meals at a time and drop them in the crock pot in the morning). Or maybe you can help her find some easy crock pot meals (look up pulled BBQ sandwiches, pot roast, etc). Also, encourage her to try out a simple cleaning schedule during the week (one load of laundry during the day and one room a day to clean).

Understand that it is almost impossible to keep a house clean with two young kids (when I am home during the day, I do try to keep the mess to one or two rooms though).

Like your wife, if I stayed at home I would choose to provide my children experiences (play dates, activities, arts/crafts) rather than running around all day cooking and cleaning.

OP, I had to say this, but you do sound a bit like a jerk. It would be great for you to focus on all of the benefits that your family (mostly your kids) get by staying at home with mom. A few (though I don't know your specific family) might be:
- nit having to rush out of the house extremely early so that mom/dad can make it to work
- you not having to take off of work when one of the kids are sick or have doctors appointments
- reduced stress around mundane but extremely time consuming tasks like grocery shopping, going to target, etc
- great and fun experiences for your kids (going to the library, swimming, park, etc)

One last point - I have a 5 month old and a three y/o and consider myself to be a great mom. When I stay him from work or have the kids all day on the weekend for whatever reason, I 100% hand them off to my husband for a much needed break when he gets home. To the pp who suggested giving you a 30min break when you get home - I would never agree to that. My husband is an attorney who works for the govt. but has time in his day for mini breaks (grabbing lunch, or a cup of coffee, reading his iPad on the metro ride home, etc). He understands and agrees that from the time he gets home to the time that both kids go to sleep (about 7:30pm), he is still "on". 
[/quote]

x2, this is fab advice and I agree with everything youve said, especially with your comment about Op being a bit of a jerk.  I dont know why anyone would resent their wife for staying home to take care of HIS children.[/quote]

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