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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are some real ogres on this thread.

Mrs. Fairfax is the victim.  She likely was trying to do what was best for the kids.  So sad.

Remember, at one time she loved him--maybe, she still did.  Just proves that if a smart, educated woman cannot figure this out, how can those with fewer advantages?

[/quote]

Yes we know she was the victim. That is totally clear. And maybe this was the inevitable outcome no matter what she did. But I think it is really important for women to know that bad situations can get worse and nothing is worth staying with a spiraling or unstable man. Do what you can to get out even if it means living in a small apartment, your kids switching schools, whatever. Call a lawyer with DV experience and figure it out. [/quote]

Stop. There is nothing to “figure out” here. She had a lawyer, she had a court proceeding, and the judge was more focused on giving her husband hype talks as if that man had anything good left to salvage, than protecting her.

There is a reason why women in this situation kidnap their kids and go into hiding - it’s because that is your only option. And for a woman who grew up dirt poor, I’m sure she wanted to do all she could to spare her children from that same fate. [/quote]

She told friends her lawyer advised her she’d risk being found to have abandoned the home if she moved out. [/quote]

Then she got bad legal advice. There is no legal requirement that you extend the misery of living with someone spiraling for years while a divorce moves forward. Or you prioritize your stability over the prospect that you could lose some equity. [/quote]

If your spouse started abusing you, you would probably do the same thing. That’s the crux here. You’re so worried about you, you are projecting blame on to her. Please stop. And see a shrink, because you have problems. [/quote]

What? No. I was in a mildly abusive situation and my friend was in a worse one. Neither of us prioritized some small gain in financial outcomes over getting away from our ex. It is not blaming Celina to say she was poorly advised. It is helping other women.

[/quote]

Some small gain? Seriously? And any situation that ends in murder is not “mildly abusive.” I’m sorry your spouse called you names.

Come back when he filed false reports against you, repeatedly threatened suicide as emotional blackmail, abandoned any financial contribution to his family and started wrecking up debt that could accrue to you, bought a gun with your kids activity money, and spent his days at the bottom of a bottle. And probably threatened to use his law license to make your life (ie your children’s lives) hell.

Then you can instruct is how you got out of that, and I will tell you that maybe you’re not so innocent because you picked an abuser in the first place. [/quote]

So your idea is that we should advise women they need to stay in the same house as a spiraling, abuse man with a gun because they may give him a ground to claim fault in a divorce? [/quote]

Lawyers don't generally tell their clients whether to stay or leave. They advise their clients of the risks of various choices and leave it to the client to decide what risk/benefit they're comfortable with. I really hope this is a wake-up call to the legislature about "desertion" being a ground for at-fault divorce in Virginia. [/quote]

Well I was worried my ex would stop paying. Virginia doesn't care who pays for stuff so this is another issue. If you leave because of fear but still pay your share and arrange for help for the kids or whatever thats different than just deserting to be with your fling overseas. [/quote]

The judge has an enormous amount of discretion in deciding what constitutes desertion vs justified departure. That’s why it’s so risky. You don’t know which judge you’ll get, whether they’re a men’s rights activist, and what they’ll personally conclude about the facts and circumstances of your case. [/quote]

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