Reply to No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have three children, who I love dearly, and at the same time understand why people decide to have adults only weddings. My husband and I had an adults only wedding, with the exception of infants and his 7 year old nephew who we were told had to attend.

A good friend had an adults only wedding and now her husband doesn’t speak to his sister because she was angry she could not bring her 12 year old (his sister lived an hour away from the venue) and has never recovered from the slight. His other sister actually brought her child in protest of the wedding being adults only.

My husband and I were just invited to his cousin’s adults only wedding and my SILs, who I like a lot, are irate even though their in laws can watch their children who are in grade school, the wedding is in the evening with a 7 pm dinner, and they both regularly attend weddings for friends without their children and even travel internationally without their children (the wedding is four hours away). My MIL, who I also like a lot, has promised to try to strong arm the couple into allowing children and my SILs have declared the bride persona non grata.

What am I missing? Why do people go to such lengths to push boundaries on this issue and feel such vitriol about an adult only wedding when not attending is always an option? I have declined various social invitations over the years because of childcare or children-related issues and never begrudged the individual sending the invite for not allowing me to show up with my brood. This feels more and more to me like a hazing ritual some families put engaged couples through, or am I missing something? [/quote]

I was married 10+ years ago and allowed children at my black-tie wedding.  We had a live band, multi-course sit down meal, open bar and kids and it was a blast.  I had many cousins (young elementary up to teens) and some friends with kids.  It was fun.  All my younger cousins sat at a kid's table by the dessert table that came out during dancing.  They all loved it and told me so.  Many people didn't bring their kids, but I wanted to offer since many people traveled (it was in my home state but I didn't live there anymore but had it there to make it easier for my family).

I attended 3 weddings in my DH's family and no kids allowed.  We had to travel for those weddings and getting childcare was rather difficult.  My mom still works FT, takes care of her own mother and we don't know anyone where the wedding venues took place.  One of the wedding's my SIL's in-laws watched all the kids which was so kind, another my DH attended alone so I could watch the kids, and another we got a recommendation of a sitter in the city and used them.  It turned out bad (we came back early before dinner) and I would never do that again.

One of my cousins who attended my wedding as a young teen is getting married.  I was told by her mom, my aunt, she is being a bridezilla and isn't allowing kids (even though my aunt and uncle are paying 100% of the wedding, honeymoon, and rehearsal costs).  
This wedding is out of state, not in our home state, and cost for travel for everyone is $.  I might go alone or we might skip the wedding.  I know if we skip it, they will be upset but I don't know how they can expect so much from people with young kids. 
My in-laws offered to watch our kid, but told us we could need to cover their travel costs.  So paying for airline tickets, 2-3 hotel rooms is very expensive and not worth it in my opinion. My in-laws also have health issues (including upcoming surgeries) and I don't know if they will even be able to attend.  I appreciate the gesture as no one in my family ever babysits even if I ask for an hour when I am visiting our home state.

I think it's fine not to have kids, but then don't get upset when family or friends who have kids do not attend your wedding especially if it's out of state.  [/quote]

Obviuosly, it is fine to RSVP "NO" to a wedding.  No reason needs to be given.   If your kids are not invited, then it's possible only one member of the couple will be able to attend.  Most brides/grooms/hosts do not care and understand.  Anyone who doesn't is ridiculous.  
But they are entitled to an Adult only Wedding, just understand that not everyone will come if they have to also arrange a baby sitter in a new town.

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