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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here again.

Well, he just left on a trip and while he was in the shower I looked through his luggage. Packed plenty of sex supplies. And I looked through the drawer where he keeps them yesterday, and they were there, and I looked through this bag too, which didn't have them in there yesterday, so he definitely deliberately took them out of the drawer and put them in this bag for the trip today.

This hurts so bad. Just the dishonesty. I feel physically ill and my knees are shaking. I feel like I am living with a stranger.[/quote]

I am the PP who wrote above about things I wish I had done differently.  So wild to read your post OP,  as I had the exact same experience as you. Sharing so you are not alone:

DH had cheated in the past, but when confronted acted shocked and begged to stay together. We had had, I thought, such a great relationship - similar interests, friends, very good sex life, etc. Engaged in marital therapy, but unbeknownst to me he lied the entire time. We stayed together. But, a few months later, prior to his leaving on a business trip, I looked in his suitcase before he left and saw he had packed the condoms we used which were normally in nightstand!

OP, IME, it was unsustainable to remain married to a person who can lie so deeply and easily. When I began to really watch him - monitoring cell phone bills credit cards, computer history, searching his belongings, watching car mileage, etc., it became clear that he was using marital $$ to fund this and that the people he was meeting were unsafe and that the behavior extended to so much more (porn, Rx substance and alcohol abuse, etc.)  And even scarier was that he seemed to have no tell - I could not discern when he was lying. I knew many of his friends and professional peers well - all of whom thought he was a great guy.  He is not a great guy - he is just an excellent liar.

My attorney made it clear to me that if we remained married, I would be responsible for - debts he incurred, waste of marital assets on affairs, liability for his behavior, and, should he lose his job (which he might because he was fooling around with people at work), I could be responsible for paying support to him.

My kids were 18 mos and 5 years at the time we split.  Life is not what I imagined it would be, and the fact that I didn’t want to let go of the idea of a nuclear family kept me in the relationship too long, but ending that relationship was the best thing I could do in a bad situation and ultimately the healthiest thing for me and our kids.  They are grown now and doing fine, despite the reality that their Dad’s cheating was reflective of deep character flaws that impacted them. But staying together wouldn’t have prevented that - it would have made it worse.   If you were such good friends and he was such a great father, he will also be a good co-parent.  If not, that is on him, not you. 
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