Reply to DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Something we don’t talk about openly is that some people (moms and dads both) find out after having children that they don’t love being a parent. They know not to take it out on their kids or spouse and they also have valid feelings about the stress of child rearing and the loss of autonomy.[/b]

OP, it sounds like your DH knew his limit was one but you both decided to cross that limit. That means you both deal with the consequences. See if you can prioritize changing family routines or training the kids on one or two things that would help your DH to feel better. Perhaps you can reset dinner and bedtime to make for more time with DH. Maybe you can both brainstorm ways to create independent play areas in your house and train the kids to entertain themselves for slightly longer stretches—even just 10-20 minutes so that you can read books and drink a glass of wine. Teach the kids a “one moment” signal so that they don’t interrupt an in-progress adult conversation. Also, give each other time off as parents. You should both get to exercise, have alone time, see friends. Use babysitters, nannies, play dates, family to help make that happen.[/quote]

+1 Yep. You cannot empirically know how you will feel about parenting until you do it.

I knew I had a low capacity for the stresses of parenthood but I didn't know how low until I had a kid. I do not regret having a kid but I feel a mourning that is in the same neighborhood as regret. So I make my life as balanced as possible (with date nights, daycare, family babysitting, etc.) so that I can be a loving, warm parent to my wonderful child but still feel like I have an adult-centered life with tranquil dinners and adventure and sexiness and intellectual fulfillment and all the things I loved about being child-free before.

And I *stopped at one,* OP. I stopped at one. [/quote]

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