Reply to Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
DP.  Maybe I’m misunderstanding you, but I’d like to take a step back from his for a moment.  How does sex foster emotional intimacy when it is being demanded of someone who isn’t already feeling emotional intimacy from the person demanding sex?[/quote]

My point was that needing to reach out to the other person -- and provide the emotional connection and intimacy they need on their terms -- runs both ways. The problem with so many of these posts is that complaints about a husband not providing the emotional connection and intimacy a wife needs is seen as the husband's failing. But a woman not providing the emotional connection or intimacy a husband needs is seen as justified by the husband's failures.

I should add -- you are probably making all kinds of wrong assumptions about who I am. And I don't have any of these problems. But the reflexive blame for certain parties is tiresome in these threads. [/quote]

I didn’t make any assumptions about who you are and did not assign blame.  This gets back to the point that people who are unsatisfied with their sex lives need to explore what else is going on their relationships to understand why their spouse isn’t interested in sex as much.  The reasons are always individualized to the relationship (although there do tend to be common themes for broader societal reasons).  There is a big differences between someone who stops having sex due to physiological issues and then the lack of sex leads to loss of emotional intimacy on the one hand, and on the other hand someone who loses interest in sex after a long spell of not having their emotional needs met by their spouse.  But in neither case will simply demanding more sex create emotional intimacy because there is a very real physical and/or emotional block to the less-interested person engaging positively with their spouse through sex.[/quote]

I agree! But I wouldn't stop there. My point was that people who don't want to have sex because the relationship is otherwise lacking intimacy should really explore ways to rekindle that intimacy. Unless they are happy with the lack of intimacy, in which case, I wonder why they even want to stay married. It is just strange for me that people say, "I don't want to have sex with my spouse because we are lacking in emotional connection." But the response is never, "What have you done to rekindle that connection?" [/quote]

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