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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.

Many of the comments have been extremely harsh. Honestly though, that is not that shocking considering I am posting to an essentially all women/mother forum. You ladies empathize with the wife’s side, and I get that. It’s actually the relatable and natural position for you to take. I was pleased to see there were some comments that really “heard” where I was coming from. I’m not some complete jerk to my wife. I’m not perfect and neither is she. She has many wonderful qualities, but she can also be unforgiving and hold grudges, so it isn’t the easiest thing to side with her against someone I love. ([b]I also wouldn’t side with someone else against her.[/b])

Anyway, I took the advice to drop the idea of my wife and newborn attending the wedding. You all were loud and clear on that point. I have accepted her decision to not attend. I told her I willl be traveling Thursday - Monday and she gave me the green light. The tricky part is my son. She is still refusing to allow me to take him. We had a spirited discussion regarding it and are currently at an impasse. I have spoken to my mom about the situation and she has assured me that she will be happy to help care for my son basically the whole wedding, anytime I need anything. Due to the issues between my wife and my parents, [b]my parents have spent very very little time with my so[/b]n. (He is their only grandchild at this time.) So they are very eager. There will also be several Aunts, female cousins and friends of my mother present, some of whom I’m certain would pitch in.

My wife is being extremely emotional and unwilling to even entertain a calm and rational conversation about me taking my own kid to my brothers wedding. Surely many of you can see that that is not right. Right? She has stated that if i take my son, it will do such irreparable damage to the marriage that we likely wouldn’t survive. How would you respond to this? To those of you who at least can see that I have the right to take my son with me. Help me out here. I’d love to hear how you would frame your argument, and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this before. (One where you disagreed on something regarding your child and how you came to a solution.) [/quote]

My thoughts:

1) You have absolutely sided with your parents against your wife, and as long as you continue to have them in your life without them sincerely apologizing to her, you are continuing to do so.

2) Your previous posts indicate that you have never been responsible for your son. You just "help" or "support" your wife. Even when you were talking about taking your toddler to the wedding and demanding that your wife come along with the newborn "to do this for me", you did not assume responsibility for your son. You didn't say "and of course I'll be 100% responsible for my son on the trip, my wife will be responsible for the newborn but she won't have to worry at all about doing a single thing for our other son" like a normal father would do. You simply said that while your wife was there against her will with the newborn, you would "help her with the toddler as much as possible". That doesn't give us (or I'm sure her) even a small amount of confidence that you can competently look after your son when she's not around.

3) Will you be drinking at the wedding? You will need to have a responsible adult caring for your son at all times (even when he's sleeping) who is legally sober, and ideally totally sober. Unless you are prepared to not drink at all at the wedding (doubtful I'm guessing) then you can't claim to be the one responsible for your son.

4) A toddler isn't something to be passed around and played with on occasion like a stray cat. Someone (sober, as I said before) will need to be 100% responsible for him at all times. Someone who will be on top of him at all times hovering, making sure he is okay. He will still be 1 and something years old and in areas that presumably has no child proofing.

5) You said your parents have spent hardly any time with your son, they're not spring chickens anymore, and they probably have forgotten everything about raising babies since this is the first grandchild. You would be insane and completely irresponsible to depend on them for anything related to childcare.

6) What are you going to do when your son has a total screaming meltdown, especially at a really unfortunate time like right before or during the wedding? Refuses to sleep in a strange place? Doesn't want to eat? Comes down with some sort of illness? You can't just take a not-even-2-year-old away for several days without having good plans for things like this.

7) You seem to be seriously considering pushing this issue although your wife has apparently made it clear that she'll be considering divorce if you do. The fact that you're still considering this.... I don't think there's anything to discuss. Just take the kid to the wedding, get divorced, and understand that hundreds if not thousands of people think you've ruined your family for nothing.[/quote]

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