Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I didn't want to change my mind. When we discussed it prior to marriage he said he would really like me to take his last name. He grew up with a single mom who had her maiden name and he and his brother each had the last name of their (different) father. [/quote]

[quote]Having a wife and kids with his last name felt like family unit to him.[/quote]

Your husband doesn't feel his mother raised him in a family unit, because she didn't ensure they all had the same surnames?

[/quote]

Obviously there was a lot more going on than different last names. Don't be obtuse. [/quote]

And same surnames would solve the family unit problems how?

Give us some examples of broken family unit problems that are resolvable by giving everyone the same last name. [/quote]

I didn't say it would. I'm not saying anyone should or shouldn't change their name. I simply shared my own experience. After talking about it I decided it meant way more to him than it did to me. So I changed my name. That worked for us. It doesn't mean everyone has to do it. [/quote]

Your husband is fundamentally insecure, that’s not anybody else’s problem.[/quote]

This is why people roll their eyes at liberal feminists. A guy has a preference to have his children carry his last name, as has been our cultural norm for centuries, and you label him as fundamentally insecure. [b]Maybe he just likes carrying on the tradition or it means something significant to his family.[/b] His wife decided she was fine with it so why do you judge? Can't you respect other people's choices and move on?[/quote]

DP We don't need to ask "maybe". We know the reason:

"Having a wife and kids with his last name [i]felt like family unit to him[/i]."

He bases the feeling of a healthy family unit on everyone having the same last name. It's of course a nonsense reason - a healthy family unit has nothing to do with last names. But that's the reason he provided.

[/quote]

It's nonsense to you and important to him. If this is going to be such a huge fight you shouldn't marry. I've been married over 20 years and it's basically a lot of compromise, he doesn't want to go to Florida to visit my family but it's important to me so we go. I don't want to live closer to his job but it's important to him so that's where we buy. You don't have to agree with what's important but negating his feelings and forcing him to justify them on your terms means you will not be a good partner.[/quote]

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