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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Unfortunately the standard is now that you work FT and handle all logistics, planning etc. 
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I don’t recommend having kids unless you go in with eyes wide open about this.

Even if your husband is supportive of you staying home, it’s a terrible move because it places you in a precarious position. [/quote]

^^This. You need to realize, OP, that you are competing with women who will provide to a man all the benefits of SAHM (bear the mental load, handle all the newborn stuff while healing from a major medical event, clean, caretake, be first line of defense when kid is sick) and also be pulling in a few hundred Ks of salary. How do you market yourself to be more attractive than that?[/quote]

Are women really competing to marry men like this?  Why would anyone put up with this if they were capable of pulling in a few hundred KS of salary? At that point it makes absolute sense to me to save and plan for single parenthood ( as a PP suggested) while remaining open to finding the right  partner.[/quote]

I have no idea - I would have never gotten married or had kids with my husband if the deal hadn't been that we would both be 50% caretakers of the kids. Even at the beginning we did bottle feeding so he could participate. No way would I work the same amount of hours and make the same amount of money only to do more around the house or with the kids. Why anyone signs up for that deal is beyond me. [/quote]

My spouse and I also split things evenly.  I did take on more in the beginning because I chose to breastfeed but in the grand scheme it's not a big deal.  We have two boys so, for instance, he does all swim practices so we don't have to wait in line for the family changing rooms.

I'm happy with our setup, neither of us has to work crazy hours and we both get to be involved parents.[/quote]

who found the swim lessons options and who chose and booked the one you're in? just curious. [/quote]
Curious too. I don’t even care if household chores are split 50/50 or not. The things that grind me down are the finding all the doctors; setting up all the appointments at appropriate times that work for everyone; keeping up with when the kids need new shoes, lunchboxes, backpacks, haircuts, underwear, etc; taking the pulse on everyone’s emotions before/during/after any changes and adjusting things to appropriately support the kids; making sure the house is stocked in food, cleaning supplies, paper products; planning and buying everything for all birthday parties plus making the guest list and sending invites; meal planning around 4 people’s preferences and needs; ensuring the kids are doing the appropriate amount of music or sports and researching all those and signups and uniform and equipment purchases and maintenance; fostering emotional intimacy with and support for my kids and learning about their friends and who they are becoming and checking in regularly about any issues; keeping informed on their academics and reading the 1,000s of emails from schools lest we miss some opportunities that I also must sign them up for and pay for; getting the house ready for any and all entertaining or guests; teaching my kids how to develop good habits in eating, sleep, studying, friendships; and I could think of a zillion more things.

I would happily do all laundry, cleaning, and cooking if the rest were shared 50/50. But men in general completely check out of thinking about anyone but themselves when they look at the big picture. My DH can’t be bothered to give AF about my emotional wellbeing or goals and dreams, why would he do that for his kids? [/quote]

I'm the PP and my husband and I both booked swim.  He books things like sports and handles the pool and camp, I booked aftercare, the pediatrician and dentist and we both take them to these activities.  I tend to handle the pets. We have a shared Google calendar.

I cook more than he does but I work from home so I can do a lot of crockpot type meals.  I do more dishes, he does more laundry.  The only thing we but heads on a bit is the litter boxes

My spouse definitely cares about my goals and dreams, he drove me to the LSAT and bar exam, quizzed me on the bar at the hotel.  I read multiple drafts of his [b]PhD thesis.[/b]

It is absolutely possible for a man to split things evenly.[/quote]

My guess is your DH doesn’t earn a lot of money which is why he’s up for all of this. [/quote]

I'm not the PP and my husband only has a masters but he does earn a lot of money and is still a present and involved dad, as much as I am a present and involved mom. He wanted kids so now he actively parents them. [/quote]

I'm the PP, my spouse's PhD is in engineering.  He does very well.  He's never pushed me to go partner track at a law firm, I've never pushed him to go to the crazy consulting firms or startups, so we both can be involved parents.[/quote]

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