Reply to Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes.  Like that.  He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care.  He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.  [/quote]

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

[quote=Anonymous]If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into.  I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.  [/quote]

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

[/quote]

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy.  It’s really easy.  [/quote]

[i]"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"[/i]

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?[/quote]

I’m the person you are responding to.  I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do.  I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you?  At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping.  This is just how relationships work.

[/quote]

Pp If you define what you mean by Easter candy prior to delegating, that’s another thing. Mind reading is presumed to be the case here.

Also husbands response was after a disagreement ensued. Perhaps he does care; perhaps not.

Also we don’t know how often this occurs. Your comments assume a lot about the details of this relationship[/quote]

Pp here.  My comments weren’t specifically about the OP’s relationship.  They were a response to this comment:

[i] You want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about.[/i]

As far was the husband’s response of getting mad, shutting down, and sulking whenever the OP said that he didn’t do something right, I can’t imagine that bodes well for their sex life either.  Can you imagine having sex with someone who gets offended if you don’t like something?  Or who needs you to give tons of specifics upfront because they “can’t mind read?”  It would be awful.

[/quote]

It's the thought that counts, no? If you want to be a sticker for the details and specifics that's on you.[/quote]

lol…are you talking about candy or sex or both :)[/quote]

I'm not the one who trades sex for candy. I have more dignity than that.[/quote]

But are you a “stickler for details” in either department?  Or is it the thought that counts?  [/quote]

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