Reply to Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] The only thing that actually helped us was working 1:1 with a psychologist through an official parent training program. [/quote]

OP again, this is a great suggestion — how did you find this specialist?[/quote]

We did it virtually through https://alvordbaker.com/services/parent-training

It was $$$ and there was a significant waitlist but I still consider it one of the best things I did for my marriage and my family. [/quote]

But unless there is something OP is not telling us, this is not a parenting issue. The older child got a concussion; and the toddler got a nosebleed. The issue is the DH’s reactions not the kids. While I am a huge believer in parent management nothing OP said indicates that there are behavioral issues with the kids, which is what parent management is for.

Marriage therapy would be more on the mark, but only if the DH can actually accept he has a problem. [/quote]

Yes those are the two big examples she gave, but she also had a paragraph about how he gets frustrated when the kids don’t listen and don’t do what he wants, which are things that happen every day and for us lead to my husband being cranky and feeling like his methods of “discipline” were ok, which they were not, to me. Outside of our house our kid did have SN but was hardly a kid that you would be panicking over (by this point, the kid was medicated and had been in individual therapy for years as well).

I don’t know if it will really fix their situation, but my biggest point is my husband did not ever change because of anything I did. We needed professional help and he found it easier to accept that help when it was focused on our child rather than me saying “you need to be fixed”. I think the person who pointed out that these things are generational hit it on the head. Very likely OP’s husband experienced parenting like this and that is why he is struggling to understand how problematic it is. If OP’s husband is willing to go to marriage counseling that’s also amazing. I think any kind of professional help would be good. [/quote]

OK that makes sense … it could also be a venue for OP to raise how he loses his temper around the kids (even if not in reaction to the kids behavior).

I hope he is open to it. My xDH was never open to any kind of advice from anyone. Particularly not female therapists who exuded any hint of authority. (It was kind of morbidly funny to watch him bristle at female therapists exactly the way he would bristle at me.) The only female therapists he listened to were the one who managed to out-alpha him (by saying she would fire us he if didn’t STFU) and the one who was SO skillful that she managed to not trigger him at all. [/quote]

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