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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "Parents of boys who became incels"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a problem that the entire discussion in this thread is premised on an assumption that boys are almost inherently at risk of going off the rails and becoming bad. That assumption, which unfortunately has becoming deeply rooted in culture and especially in schools due to liberal political preferences, is the key driver for the problem you are worried about. Right now, girls are boosted and treated like the future at every turn, even in implausible situations. Look at the Super Bowl ads for one example, where, among other things, there was an ad where a minority female implausibly bested the entire men's football team (who were portrayed as hateful ogres throughout). Until you all learn to respect and value boys, expect bad results. Toxic femininity is real and a problem.[/quote] Have you ever met a kid? Boys are (usually) confident to the point they need to learn humility, compassion and empathy. They need to be taught a lot emotional skills in order to not end up undateable in todays modern world where women will chose to stay single rather than marry them. That’s why we’re ending up with these incels. Girls, on the other hand, (usually) develop the emotional skills early, independently and successfully. Where they need guidance is building skills like dealing with conflict and risk taking. Skills boys seems to develop more naturally. That’s not toxic femininity. That’s basic child development. [/quote] I have boys, and their confidence that they outwardly project is just bravado. They are deeply insecure, as are their friends. I don’t think tearing down girls is the answer. But, I do see tons of initiatives at least at the elementary level to empower girls and none to empower boys. Even our school gym has a big sign saying “girls rule!” with pictures of professional female athletes. Which is awesome. But they have nothing for boys that is similar. They have a girls coding club and a girls on the run club. Boys aren’t allowed to join either club unless they identify as nonbinary. Even my son’s Boy Scout troop has girls in it. I may get flamed but boys need spaces where they’re safe to be boys, with only other boys, and feel empowered and have strong same gender role models. Just like girls do. As it is right now it seems like girls are allowed into any space that was previously just for boys, but boys are not allowed into any of the spaces just for girls. Until we start celebrating boys for who they are and what amazing things boys can do, they’ll continue to flounder without a strong sense of identity, and that’s where the Joe Rogan types snatch them up and give them an identity- a terrible one. We need to catch them earlier and give them a better one, but as a society, the general message is “boys are bad”. [/quote] I get that, but... do you not feel that the whole world constantly celebrates men and their achievements? Don't boys see empowerment and role models every time they turn on the TV/ pass a billboard/ watch the news? The Williams and the Rapinoes and the Collins are [i]exceptions[/i]. We only know them because they're so exceptional. The world is awash with men being celebrated, such that when a woman finally reaches the top, she's an abberation to be pointed out. [/quote] You’re absolutely right of course, but in my experience raising boys, the boys don’t see it that way. They do, in my opinion, [b]need boys - only spaces, to learn how to be real men, [/b]from real male role models, and feel cohesiveness as boys and men. Right now the only way to get that is with alt right “men’s rights activist” groups, which is loathsome, and we need things like Boy Scouts and young men’s clubs and organizations that celebrate boys strengths and give them a strong identity as a boy. So strong, that when they see someone like Rogan making asinine comments, they laugh at how stupid it sounds. Instead of now where they’re like, hey, this guy thinks boys and men are awesome, I’m gonna listen to him. [/quote] And there’s your problem. You have a very narrow view of what a “real man” is, and it excludes a great many of boys. You are pushing this narrative, and it’s only going to hurt your boys and definitely hurt their future partners (if they get there).[/quote] That they don't think that Andrew Tate is a loser? Please explain. [/quote] What’s your definition of a “real man”? Why shouldn’t boys be raised as feminists? You’re the one that said this stuff, I’m just commenting on YOUR words. [/quote]
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