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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning.  I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged.  But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.

2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids.  My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse.  Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges.  Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results.  I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports.  The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities.  Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know.  But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing. [/quote]

This is honestly one of the saddest things I have ever read here.[/quote]

Why is it sad? It sounds honest.

I have a kid who plays basketball. He tried out for 7th grade travel and did not make it. We learned after he was cut that there is this whole world of basketball skills training and coaching. We were naive that DS could just try out and make this team. High school basketball team has all travel and AAU kids so a regular rec kid won’t make it.

I wish people would have told us. We have a friend from preschool whose kid has played basketball since he was like 5. The parents were always taking him to basketball training and I always thought they pushed him too hard. The kid has been playing AAU since he was 8/9 playing up.

I’m not even sure if it is helicopter parenting or pushing. It is time and money. Many parents work and overextended. I don’t work now but I used to work and getting my kid to soccer practice once a week while dragging the younger sibling seemed like a lot in addition to working. There is no way I would have signed up my kid for all these extra clinics and driven him daily. The working parents who do this are truly dedicated.[/quote]

DP. What’s wrong with just remaining a regular rec league kid? Even if every parent were to be so “dedicated” and do all the clinics and all the extra training, there’s still only so many spots in a high school team. They can’t all have it. But the kids who weren’t pushed and don’t have the elite skills can still get so much joy out of just playing the game. I’d guess they might even get far more out of just being able to play in a low stakes environment. These parents who are buying into the youth sports industrial complex are being taken for a ride.[/quote]

👏👏👏[/quote]

Why are you clapping?

My kid wants to make the high school team. He is only in seventh grade but he will be disappointed if he doesn’t make the high school team and his friends do. This will be a different high school experience.

If your kid is of average or below average athleticism and s/he doesn’t care or is not competitive, that is fine for all. Parents are happy. Kids are happy not trying out or getting cut in their sport. There are other kids who want to make the team, like my kid.[/quote]

I clapped because your kid is not entitled or guaranteed to make the team and that's part of life. It's also ok. Of course we want our kids to achieve every thing they want, but there are valuable lessons in being disappointed and learning from the disappointment. There are also opportunities that can come from disappointment if you're willing to accept that the winning or getting selected is not the end all be all. Your son can still play basketball if he loves the sport and it doesn't have to cost you thousands of dollars a year in AAU, travel, and coaching expenses to find those other avenues.

It's unfortunate youth sports have turned into a money making enterprise but your kids isn't a loser for not participating in it.

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