Reply to Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

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[quote=Anonymous]OP you have a DH problem more than a Bangladesh problem. Bangladeshi living is what it is, but you chose to marry a South Asian man and don't seem to want to admit that this is how they are. Cue all the DWs who are now gonna scream their DH would NEVER act like this blah blah, but as a member of this community, yeah the MAJORITY act like your DH.

They're super happy to come to the US for higher education, high paying jobs, and like the freedom of life in the US - dating, sex before marriage, picking out a white chick to marry. And once they marry they white chick, they are even ok living in a relatively egalitarian household bc that's what they see others around them doing + they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

And then when they go back home for 2 weeks or a month, it ALL reverts back to how it is back home and if that screws their wife/kids, that's 100% fine because they are sooooo much more concerned about what mommy/sisters think and are like - whatever my wife/kids will deal, I'll make it up to my wife when we're back in the US by buying her something nice.

At the end of the day, they don't want mommy/sisters to raise an eyebrow on ANYTHING or be displeased or questioning in ANY way. So if they've lived without a space heater for 50 years, fine, wife/kids can just deal with 50 degree temps even if they're not used to it bc in the US the heat kicks on in 50 degree nights. If mommy/sister think going out on the town and exploring and shopping is a waste of time because they ONLY have one month with their precious son/brother and just want to loving stare at him all day rather have him go out with his wife/kids for 3 hours a day - that's it, no one goes out.

Mind you this happens EVEN if the ILs are normal - as yours seem to be. Many ILs may not have a space heater bc they don't need it but if DH said - hey I'm buying one bc the wife/kids are constantly cold - they wouldn't say no or even judge; hell they may also end up liking the concept. Same with going out - they may not have any problem with you all going out every day for a few hours. Hell they may even enjoy it if you hire a private car, take everyone out shopping and treat them to a few things and they grab some pizza or Bangladeshi sweets or something on the way home. It may be a chance for them to expereince something in their own city they don't normally do.

But ultimately this is a culture that doesn't communicate well and works via guilt. DS feels soooo guilty that he's moved away from aging mom and soooo guilty that he isn't making the type of $ in the US that he can send them back 50k/yr to live the rich rich life in Bangladesh bc he has a mortgage to pay and kids to send to college. So instead these DSs then just dance around their parents bc they are soooo terrified of their parents being the slightest bit disapproving or even mystified.

It's super manly to put your mommy/sisters over your own wife and minor kids, but I've def seen this happen.[/quote]

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