Reply to Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm not sure why you are being so antagonistic to your BIL's choice for his family not to partake of your traditions.  You are being crappy host by insisting that you should find a way to take your sister and BIL's decision away from them.  They have decided that since your whole family is together, that they want to see the full extended family and, as you've pointed out, this is probably the only time all year that everyone will be together.  They've acknowledged that and although they probably wish they could find another occasion to see everyone, you've all made that impossible.  So, they are compromising their beliefs by attending a holiday party with the concession that they won't partake of Christian holiday traditions.

You should be a gracious host and be happy that they are joining the extended family.  As a good host, you would be finding a way to allow them to attend and enjoy everyone's company without making them uncomfortable, but you've decided to dig in your heels and try to cast your BIL as a villain, even though your sister and he made a joint decision to not partake of the traditions with religious overtones.

I have an alienated family member.  If they decided to join the extended family for a rare visit when everyone was together I would be going out of my way to find a way for them to enjoy the occasion, even if they didn't want to partake of family traditions at the time.  In this example, you could invite the rest of the family at noon, give out gifts at 1pm and have your sister and BIL arrive at 3pm and stay through dinner.  Everyone gets to enjoy the occasion, but sister and BIL and nephew are not there for the gift unwrapping.  Alternatively, invite everyone early and tell sister and BIL that you'll be doing holiday traditions after an early dinner, so if they want to bundle up your nephew after dinner (since he's only 3, he's likely going to need to be in bed early anyways) and you can have dinner at like 4pm and gift unwrapping at 6pm.  They can have dinner and leave.  This also works because then you can save all of the sweet treats and desserts for after dinner after they've left and you've avoided another potential meltdown potential, all in one.

I have a feeling that you'd be a good and gracious host for any other situation.  If you had invited guests that were important to have and they had some restriction, I'd expect that you'd bend over backwards to be a good host.  But in this case, you are letting your mother's whining and your sense of tradition cloud your judgment and instead of being a good host, you are digging in your heels to blame your BIL for being unreasonable and trying to ruin your holiday and letting your mother's emotions stop you from being a gracious host.

Try to look at this with some empathy towards the family who does not share your traditions and look for a way to entertain them and still host family traditions without them, by doing the traditions either early or late.[/quote]

This is op. Bil is making himself and his feelings the centerpiece of everything. He can’t see that his young child has feelings, and a gift doesn’t have a religious meaning. [/quote]

Wow op - if this kind post didn’t help you understand that you are wrong, then nothing will.[/quote]

Yikes [/quote]

I'm the long PP above.  At this point, I'm pretty sure that OP is just a troll.  She's crossed from the rational to the irrational and is making everything more and more extreme.  She refutes all arguments and just keeps trying to make her sister and BIL a bad guy.  Pretty nutso.[/quote]

Objectively, BIL sounds like the bad guy. He doesn't need any embroidery from OP.[/quote]

Objectively, BIL sounds like a guy who is willing to attend a celebration for a holiday he doesn't believe in so that his child can spend time with extended family.  How is he the bad guy in this scenario?[/quote]

Objectively, BIL sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He should just stay away if he cares about his son.[/quote]

That’s what happened. My sister came with Larlo and they participated in the entire celebration and Larlo got his gift. My sister said she changed her mind because: she got home from work a few days ago and bil was setting up their new smart tv. She asked where it came from, because they weren’t planning on buying a new tv. Bil said his mom sent it to them as a gift. My sister said whoa, a Christmas gift? He said no, just a gift. My sister said ok, but the thought of bil getting a gift around Christmas and calling it a non-specific gift while denying Larlo a gift rankled her. She tried to discuss it with him the next day but he said no Christmas, holiday, etc, gifts for Larlo! She said she told him he got a gift so Larlo is getting one.

Bil stayed home because he’s not comfortable or happy with Larlo getting a Christmas gift. My sister didn’t say much about it- she was too happy watching Larlo play with his cousins and enjoying everything. It was a great time. [/quote]

This sounds like it worked out well, OP. BIL stayed home sulking and watching his gift TV. Larlo played with his cousins.[/quote]

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