Reply to Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you are so concerned about Larlo - although a lot of energy here has been about how the adult grandmother feels, but if you are sooo concerned about how this child feels the best thing you can do is to provide a loving and accepting environment for his whole family. You can only control how YOU behave. So if Larlo gets upset you don’t say “mommy and daddy wouldn’t let us give you a gift” you provide a distraction. Take him to pet the dog or show him a magic trick. He’s only 3. It will pass. As he gets older his parents will explain things to him and his expectations will be different. Maybe he will be resentful but that’s not your problem. This child is a member of your family and your job is to love him and his parents in spite of your fundamental differences. You teach him about generosity of spirit and unconditional love. [/quote]

Why is it wrong to be concerned about Larlo?[/quote]

Literally no one said it was wrong to be concerned about Larlo - the OP seemed more concerned about her mother than Larlo frankly. [/quote]

Op (me) is concerned for both.

[b]Larlo deserves a Christmas gift with his family. It won’t hurt anything. [/b]

To the posters above who advised to distract Larlo during gift opening; that’s on his parents. They want larlo to live as they choose, they can deal with the ramifications of their choices. It’s their choice! They can deal. Honestly nothing is going to placate a child in this situation. [/quote]

Nobody deserves gifts, ever. They are literally gratuitous by definition. If you are raising your kids to feel entitled to gifts and to expect them, then that’s on you.

A child is perfectly capable of understanding and accepting that he’s not getting a gift for a holiday that he doesn’t celebrate. If not, then again - parents’ fault.

Finally, even if the kid did get upset, IT IS OK AND NORMAL FOR KIDS TO FEEL BRIEFLY UPSET! We don’t have to go to extreme measures to avoid it. If kids are allowed to experience and handle disappointment early on, maybe they won’t end up like this grandma who can’t cope with not getting her way on Christmas.[/quote]

[b]It’s awful to disappoint and upset a kid at Christmas,[/b] and you get jerk bonus points for repeatedly saying elderly grandma has issues for wanting grandchild to have a Christmas gift with his cousins. [/quote]

They don’t celebrate Christmas! So it is not disappointing!! Would you insist in giving a Christmas gift to a kid who is Jewish or Muslim? Or someone who is Christian but does not believe in gift giving? Kids learn what their culture is and what to expect.[/quote]

We're in a big multicultural family where some members don't celebrate Christmas, some do the tree and gift giving but nothing religious, and some celebrate it as a religious holiday.  Our kids are being raised Jewish. They understood that when we went to see the grandparents over winter break, some of the cousins would be celebrating and would receive Christmas presents.  Even from a very young age, our kids were fine with this.  It was basically like going to someone else's birthday party.

We stopped going to the grandparents' for winter break after someone decided our kids were really missing out and made them personalized Christmas stockings.  It felt really disrespectful and dismissive of our preferences, and it was clearly not for our kids, who didn't have a problem celebrating Christmas for their cousins' sake.

Just respect the parents' wishes, OP.

[/quote]

I can understand you are jewish and dont want to participate in a different religious observance.  But what if OP's family history is christian to begin with?  I think in that case this is cruel to the child to bring them to christmas celebrations.  Maybe it would be like if your parents said they were taking you to a family gathering for a jewish holiday, but you're not allowed to participate, just watch everybody else in your family, because your parents declare you all are not practicing judaism anymore, only atheism.  [/quote]

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