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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, curious what people think of this one:

I had a close friend who moved away. This was not an acquaintance -- it's someone I saw 1:1 regularly for years, who had come to my wedding, who was among the first group of people I told when I got pregnant.

Her family was still local, so she would come back to town with some frequency -- every 3-4 months. The first few times she came back, she'd let me know and we'd plan a coffee date or just a hang at my house or something. She reached out to me. I had a newish baby at the time so I was being a homebody, but was always happy to go meet up with her when she was around (with or without the baby, though she'd usually ask if the baby could come because she likes babies).

I still don't really know why, but she stopped reaching out when she'd come to town. Maybe she outgrew me as a friend, maybe she decided she was bored with my new mom status, I don't know. All I know is she stopped letting me know when she was going to be in town, and stopped making an effort to see me.

How do I know this? Because every time she'd come to town, she'd post like 14 photos of her trip to Facebook -- pictures of her with people I knew, going places near my house, doing things I definitely used to do with her. She'd post comments like "So good to see my [city name] fam when I'm in town! Love you all!"

Seeing these photos felt like being punched in the gut. They caused literal pain for me. I did reach out to her after the first time it happened, just a quick text of "hey, sorry I missed you when you were town, hope everything is going well and would love to catch up over phone/text sometime!" Like really trying to avoid sounding upset or jealous even though I was. She gave me a noncommittal response ("oh yeah, crazy busy trip sorry we couldn't connect, will definitely call soon!!") but then didn't call. I took the hint and let it go.

But still, she kept posting those photos every time she was in town, and it hurt so much. I wasn't mad that she was having fun. I was deeply hurt that she seemed to have prioritized maintaining friendships with so many other people in town, but for some reason not me. And it wasn't because I had a kid -- she'd posted photos with other friends and their kids.

Obviously I eventually just muted her so I wouldn't have to see it. But those photos were brutal. And yes, it made it much, much worse than if she'd just done a fade out on me and I didn't even know she was still coming to town and what she was doing. Way worse. Knowing that she was regularly in town, in my neighborhood, and was just affirmatively choosing not to see me felt so intense. It honestly did feel hostile.

She could have done all the exact same things but not posted the photos, or even just blocked me from seeing them. Her choice to post them knowing I probably would see them felt intentionally hurtful.

I think this is the kind of thing people on this thread are talking about. I think in this situation, it's actually reasonable to say she should have not posted the photos, or posted them in a way that they wouldn't be visible to me. I don't really know what else I could have done on my end to prevent being impacted by them. It just felt like salt in a wound for no other reason than she just really wanted everyone (me included) to know what an amazing time she was having with other people.[/quote]

For whatever reason, she wanted to post photos.  I don’t think it was a personal attack on you.  I also don’t think she needed to refrain bc you might see them.  People have different friends and different relationships and they ebb and flow.  Your relationship was/is fading whether she posted pictures or not.  I wouldn’t take it personal.  I don’t think she did anything wrong.  Personally I wouldn’t have texted her at all.  She didn’t reach out to you to say she was in town, so why text the “I saw you came into town” text?  Few people stay close friends forever, especially after moving.  You just have to let it go and work on your current friendships.  [/quote]

People take things way too personally.[/quote]

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