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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.[/quote]

Ok, what time do you get home from work? Did you miss the part a about spending 4 hours a day on weekdays and all weekend with the kids? Do you think moms who work full time are bad parents for missing out on every single small moment?

Let’s not turn this into a working moms vs SAHM debate. The fact is, lots and lots of moms choose to work even when they don’t have to. I know, my mom worked full time and I never felt like I needed her more. We were very close and still are, and I respect her so much. I want my kids to have that. I don’t think spending an extra hour a day doing the dishes myself is going to meaningfully affect their lives or make them feel more loved. Having a mother who is happy, fulfilled, and able to spend real time with them makes a huge difference. I know my personality and I know doing ALL of the grunt work (vs just some of it and getting help for the rest) would make me and all of us unhappy.

I’m not sure what you people do for a living, but this situation is de rigueur in highly educated professional fields. My husband and I both worked in biglaw - he became a partner, I peeled off and took a more interesting but lower pay and lower hours job. This is par for the course in that world. Husband earns the money, wife has the “hobby job” (and sometimes the roles are reversed). For every partner who is married to a SAHM there seems to be a partner married to another partner (now that arrangement I will never wrap my head around). I truly feel like I have it all, though it does make me sad sometimes that my husband works so much. If I had a meaningless job that I didn’t like I’d imagine feeling differently.

I’m not trying to brag or tell you how I did everything right in life. I’m just saying it is entirely possible for two parents to work significant hours and still have a happy, healthy family life. I know many people aren’t as fortunate and I feel like people like PP are bitter with their lot and enjoy feeling like martyrs. The thing is, you don’t have to spend your morning making your kids individual bento boxes for lunch (my kids buy lunch at school). You don’t have to work part time so that you can take your kids to Kumon or their chess lessons (my kids come home and play with each other or neighborhood friends). Yes, those are trade offs, but my kids really don’t care whether I send them little notes in their lunch box everyday. Frankly I think they’d be embarrassed. But then again, I’m not a helicopter parent and it’s really important to me that my kids don’t feel like special snowflakes. [/quote]

Thanks for this lecture, especially what's " de rigeur in highly edicated fields" lol. I'm former biglaw and still work full-time as an attorney.

No one is telling OP to wash her own dishes.

There is limited time in everyone's day and it's a choice about how to spend them. Outsourcing helps to a certain point to take tasks off your list, but after that you lose time with your kids and that's fine if it's what you want.[/quote]

So this is unkind. I don’t read it as a lecture, certainly compared to posts with less evidence and more moralizing.

Notice that OP is asking for advice on how to make it work.  She’s not discussing the turmoil that women with post-secondary degrees often face: Did I pass the bar and work my butt off in law school only to give it all up - then what was it all for? There are constantly articles  about women not being in leadership, or on boards, or the c-suite and sometimes it makes me feel bad that I don’t want it bad enough- that I’m leaving to other women to sacrifice in order to succeed. That doesn’t mean she’s not dealing with it - she’s just wondering if any of you have made it work and if so, how. Key point here - women helping women is never a bad thing. Women tearing down women, though...

Have we seen a single story yet in this thread where the dad goes part time or gets off the partner track?[/quote]

I think women who have kids late and only have one can make it work. There is this one mom at our preschool who has a high powered job and a husband who seems more available during the week. They are early forties with one child so they had almost 20 years to build their careers. I don’t know her well enough if they tried to have more, dealt with infertility, got married late, previously divorced, etc.

I had my first child at 30 and third child at 38. She had her first and only child at ~40. [/quote]

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