Reply to Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I also think you should pick up the phone and talk to her - not in a “WTF you did nothing so it’s over” type of way. But more along the lines of, ‘now that we’re home, I’m reflecting on how much harder and frustrating this vacation was vs a long time ago. Can you help me process this? ‘ and then ask a lot of questions:
1) how was your week? What worked? Anything feel frustrating to you?
2).tell me more about the night you were supposed to cook dinner. What happened? 
3) we are on vacation and we aren’t on vacation to tip toe around your husband who is working. Why didn’t he go Hoke to do his zoom calls?
4) group vacations only work if we all pitch in. I couldn’t help but notice that you and Larlo weren’t pitching in like everyone else (I felt disrespected when we had to do all the cleaning, picking up and take care of all the kids with no help from you or Larlo). That just doesn’t work for us - is there something else going on with you to create an expectation that we do the work and you don’t pitch in at all?

Cuz, I’ll be honest, we’re not doing another summer vacation like that one. You will either need to stay at your house and come over for beach visits and the occasional dinner or will need to really change the way you show up that week.“

And maybe give her one more chance. But lay out the expectations very clearly. And if it’s not working next summer, call her out in the moment and say that she didn’t live up to her agreement so it’s the last summer.

OP, I do think you should have had this conversation at the beach house. “Larva, what the heck? You and Larlo are in charge of dinner. We all have our turns. This really ain’t working.”  “Really, Larla, you are standing at the bar with a full bottle of wine and can’t even be bothered to top off Susie’s glass? She’s right there. Give that poor, tired mama some more wine.”  “Serioslly, Larla. Kitchen duty is on you and Larlo tonight. We’re taking the kids for a walk. I can’t believe I have to suggest to a grown adult to pull her own weight.”

Seriously
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Seriously OP you have to TELL her this stuff if it really bothers you.  You seem rageful that she can’t read your mind.  It would NEVER occur to me to top off someone else’s glass of wine, never.  Maybe I was raised by wolves but we jus don’t do that.  It also makes me feeel really awkward to share food; I don’t mind anyone eating mine but I’d rather buy my own.  I can’t imagine putting my laundry in with anyone else’s, but maybe that’s just what her family does??

You can’t wxpevt her to know your rules and expectations unless you actually SAY them.  I would never, never put sunscreen on someone else’s kid unless I was specifically asked to.  It would be w it’s if my brother or SIL put some in my kid; we have our own brand.

I just came back from sharing a house with two other families.  None of your rules are ones that we followed.  Are you sure she really understands your rules?[/quote]

[b]I totally agree.  I posted earlier I would never sunscreen anyone else’s child.  Even daycare asks us to sunscreen our kids before sending them in, touching other people’s kids is just a big no.  I don’t want anyone but my mom putting sunscreen on my kids.

I also make it plain that we are a “help yourself” house.  You are free to eat or drink anything but get it yourself.  Same for kids.  I might ask if anyone wants anything while I am up, but then again maybe not.  Especially with lifelong friends.

I am not going to offer your kids stuff, but they are welcome to grab a banana or a Z bar or whatever.  I am not in charge of your food rules.  Asking your kids to pee?  Hell to the no.  That is a job for a parent.

The dinner thing needed to be conveyed clearly, bluntly, the day it occurred.  “What is the dinner plan?  It is your day.”  
[/b]

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This. Common sense. You don't wait on people or except people to wait on you.[/quote]

When people are guests in my home, I absolutely do wait on them!  It’s called hospitality.  And I offer to help in a guest’s house, but hosts usually demur.  Isn’t it possibly that cousin thinks she is a guest?

I mean, the staying in her bedroom and then coming out and eating hot dogs on a night when OP yho Got it was cousin’s dinner night....that’s just bizarre.  But it seems FAR more likely to me that cousin is genuinely clues about the dynamic than that she was thinking, “Bwa ha ha, I have tricked them!  They don’t remember I was supposed to cook and now I got a free hot dog!”

Did OP say, “Cheryl, tonight guy is your night to cook, remember?  What are you making for dinner?”[/quote]

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