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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SAHM here.

I hate these threads. They're usually started by a WOHM asking some version of "why don't you want to work a flexible job and not be dependent on a man?"

So you explain how your former industry was not flexible, why you and your husband prize a peaceful, calm existence where one person works and the other takes care of home and kid stuff, and what you have done to mitigate the risk of being financially dependent (large cash savings, continue to invest for your own retirement, large life insurance and disability policies, post nuptial agreements, etc. etc.) and they come back with "well it's not about YOU or your reasons, it's about women in general."

Don't you get that ALL women are making choices based on their unique circumstances and are making good choices mitigating risk in their lives?

Like sorry your dad left your mom high and dry but that's not going to happen to me for various reasons and no amount of bitter wishing on your part is going to make it so. It's just not. If my husband left me tomorrow, which is extremely unlikely for various reasons, I'd walk away with about 3 million dollars. A nice cushion to start over with.[/quote]

This is more trash and toxicity added to an already toxic subject. You want to stir the pot and you're enjoying the drama. So much for prizing a peaceful, calm existence. [/quote]

Exactly.  Also: step outside your privilege bubble.  ALL women don't have the same choices as you.[/quote]

There was a time in my life when I had to literally choose whether or not to eat or put gas in my car. I chose gas because I had to get to work or I would have no money to pay rent.  I was poor. There were times when I went hungry.  When I met my dh he was making less than me!  He later went on to excel at work.

Decades later, I'm a SAHM. I didn't win the lottery, I didn't find a buried treasure.  Dh and I worked our butts off, lived below our means as DINKs and didn't have kids until we were well established.

We have had our own string of bad luck just like everyone else.  We have also been lucky at times.  But when I look analytically at why we got ahead while others continued to struggle so much it comes down to the small, every day choices that we made in life.  Really.

That is not to say that I don't count my blessings every day because I do.  I also give to the less fortunate because I have BTDT and I know what it's like.  I try to be a good person and I am raising my kids to be good, empathetic people.

What's the point of working your butt off if you can't enjoy the comfort and security that it brings?  Why assume that others have it soooo much easier than you or anyone else? Often times we are no different than you are.

[/quote]

Smug, obnoxious, and deeply privilege-blind.

This thread is such a train wreck.[/quote]

It's interesting; I often find those who had periods of hardship and were able to come out of them can be the most smug.  "If I could do it, anyone can!"  No, not everyone can.

Those "small, everyday choices" to which you credit your success?  They are also the result of luck.  I don't think everything is entirely out of our control at all, but I'm also keenly aware that much of life is.  I do my best with what I have--and I work(ed) damn hard--AND I recognize that many don't have the privileges that afford me the ability to make these choices.  This "looking analytically" business doesn't happen in a vacuum.  When the answer you come up with is your own choice, you miss that context entirely.[/quote]

What's sad is that I think there are two separate posters for whom not working has clearly made them lose touch with reality and compassion and has instead made them insufferable and privilege-blind. (To be clear, I think there are also plenty of insufferable DCUM WOHMs to keep them company.)

These DCUM debates are such nonsense precisely because they're ignorant of the reality of the vast majority of mothers in this country. Most women work because they have to work or their kids don't eat. Those who stay home mostly do it because it's the safest and cheapest option that they have. I remember a thread awhile back where a woman who made something like $65k asked a genuine question about whether it was worth it for her to stay home and it immediately filled up with super rich SAHMs telling her not to worry about her lost income, because they surely didn't worry about it with their husbands who made millions. Then add in the WOHMs who suggest that you should just work because of course you can make six figures and still have a super flexible job that lets you off at 3:00 pm or whatever.

It's obnoxious and insufferable. [/quote]

O.k. then just accept that some people just have riches fall from the sky into their ever so undeserving laps while others get smacked time and time and time again by life.  If you accept that as your reality nothing will ever be your responsibility and circumstances will forever be out of your control.

I'm fat.  But it's not my fault, right?  There is absolutely nothing that I can do about it.  I'm just a fatty, fat, fat.  Say that to yourself often enough and it becomes your reality.[/quote]

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