Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I find most disturbing about this thread is the stories of rape that went unreported. Imagine how many more times these perpetrators got away with similar crimes, whether or not those rapes resulted in pregnancy.

It's also horrifying to think of those girls who were forced by their parents to carry pregnancy to term. I wonder how often this still happens today? It really got me thinking about whether or not it could be legally recognized as child abuse, assuming the girl does not want to continue pregnancy.

I have some friends who have adopted recently and those adoptions are open, at least somewhat. The OP describes a closed adoption scenario that is more increasingly rare. Any person has a right to their medical information and family health history. No one has a right to impose a relationship on another person, and this includes adoptees who want to reunite with biological family members.

Overall, any woman who willingly chose to carry a pregnancy to term and made the sacrifice of adoption,  should be entitled to personal privacy if that's what she wants. Part of her sacrifice should be the sharing of basic medical information for the health of the adoptee. Beyond that, it needs to be her choice. However, it seems reasonable that I had an adoptee could contact the birth mother initially to see if there is any interest in getting to know each other.

OP,  your sister should not have contacted her birth mother's family but rather the birth mother herself. If there was no way to contact the birth mother, she should have left the family alone. I realize that is very painful for her, but she should remember that her birth mother already gave her the gift of life, and that may have to be enough.

Adoption has changed so much over the past 20 years that it is difficult to look at prior adoptions under the same lens as adoptions occuring today. [/quote]

I respect your view, but see the situation quite differently. I do not view biological mother is as having made the sacrifice of giving up their children for adoption.   For those women who chose adoption because they were unwilling to acknowledge  the truth that they had had a child as they moved forward in life, they did it for selfish, or self-centered, reasons.  Not to give a gift of life to someone else. The baby was just an unwanted by product.  They did what they did to live up to cultural and family expectations, without having to raise the child or do any of the hard work involved in parenting. They, along with the biological father is, created a life. Those babies did not have the ability to consent or withhold consent from any document allowing the facts of their biological origins to be covered up for the convenience  of biological parents wanting to conform to cultural norms or to withhold things from their future families.  In my view, nobody has a legal obligation to be in a relationship with anyone else. Equally, though, nobody has a right to stop anybody from stating the truth to whomever they wish.  Ethically, which can be viewed separately, I think it is apparent for someone prioritizing their ability to keep a secret they may be ashamed of as a priority over another person knowing who their biological family is.   It is of course understandable that people would fear how their family members would react to finding out that information about another biological child had been withheld. But the reason family members may be upset about this is because they may view it as relevant to them. As something the biological mother should have shared. That she didn’t share it is her own choice.   When you choose not to share a difficult part of your history, sometimes it comes to bite you back in  unpredictable ways and there are consequences. [/quote]

So maybe we should just start branding these women with some sort of symbol when they take away the baby so everyone, not just their family, can know how selfish and lacking in virtue they are. Considering the fallout doesn’t matter 18 years down the line, we might as well make sure they are (possibly) alienated by friends and family right at the beginning.

Oh, and as for the other poster talking about how adoption is a big money making scheme. It’s liekly true.. but do you know who bears the brunt and gets none of the money? The mother. But apparently, she has to suffer all the punishment, repercussions, and the rest of it, forever.

This thread has taught be a lot. I always thought adoption was a good thing. [/quote]

What I’m getting from this thread is the best solution would be for the pregnant woman to either abort or just kill herself (along with the fetus).[/quote]

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