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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Best thread ever, and clearly the strategy most likely to save my marriage to an emotionally abusive and absent spouse with a hot temper and inability to take responsibility for his actions.

But here's my big question for those who feel good about where they are with this strategy- how do you feel about the impact on your kids?  I'm worried about what I'd be modeling for them and their future potential relationships. 6yo DS already mimics his Dad's hot button, unpredictably yelling.  So how do I show him it's ok by trying to not care about it? Even if I stop caring, I don't want my son to think its okay to treat people that way.[/quote]

When I changed, my dh did as well (and my dh sounds like yours).  I'm pleasant toward him and he's generally the same toward me.  If he comes home in a bad mood, I detach.  Don't ask about it, just leave him alone.  He cools off and goes back to normal.  If something stupid sets him off, I just calmly say okay, and go about my business - I do not storm out, but will try to head in another direction, pick up something and put it away in another room, something like that.

As for your son, I think you need to explain to him that those outbursts are not okay.  My ds is a few years older than yours, but he spends a lot more time with me than with his dad and I can tell that my influence on him is much greater than dh's.  Can you arrange your day so you both have less interaction time with him?

Also, I wouldn't go so far as to say I "feel good" about this strategy.  It's making the best of a bad situation.  If something escalated to the point where I could not in good conscience explain it to my son, then I'd have to get divorced.
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