Reply to Stopping caring saved my marriage

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Stopping caring saved my marriage"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Best thread ever, and clearly the strategy most likely to save my marriage to an emotionally abusive and absent spouse with a hot temper and inability to take responsibility for his actions.

But here's my big question for those who feel good about where they are with this strategy- how do you feel about the impact on your kids?  I'm worried about what I'd be modeling for them and their future potential relationships. 6yo DS already mimics his Dad's hot button, unpredictably yelling.  So how do I show him it's ok by trying to not care about it? Even if I stop caring, I don't want my son to think its okay to treat people that way.[/quote]

It's not really stopping caring, it's more like refusing to engage in these emotional circles.  An example might be saying, when you're calm, I'll talk with you and refusing to engage when someone is out of control.  Then go about your day.  You're not trying to change the person (unproductive circle). You're taking control of what you can change - your response, which is you don't want to talk with a raging maniac.  It takes a long time and consistency to reset patterns but it works. [/quote]

You aren't really answering the question about kids.  Exposing your kids to a your shitty marriage with an emotionally stunted abusive parent is the same thing as hoping they marry someone just as big of an asshole. And they will. So kudos for being an adult who can shut down and ignore, what choice do your kids have?  I am not surprised by the shit women put up with because they are desperate for a man but I am disgusted what they are ok with their kids putting up with. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics