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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does your DH have space in the house that is considered "his"?  Like an office, 1/2 of the bedroom, etc?  Dump his stuff there.  Let him deal with it.  The only time my DH started caring about the mess he made and the piles of junk he amassed was when it was all piled in his space and it finally overwhelmed him.  Took 9 months - when my limit is a few days of clutter.  I don't really care about his space, I don't have to go in there ever and don't have to see it.  But he had no choice but to realize that all of that stuff was his to deal with, and his fault.  Nothing I could have said would have ever impressed that upon him.

[b]But really, spend your time being angry about the real things[/b].[/quote]

For me, a clean house is a "real" thing. Wanting my husband to care about what I care about (such as a clean house) is a "real" thing. In return, I try to care about what he cares about (such as sex more frequently than perhaps I would choose on my own). Thank god my husband understands and tries. I can't get on board with this whole message. I think it's a really bad idea. It's basically for people who are a step or two away from divorce anyway. I don't think people with really strong, good marriages try to detach from their spouses and their spouses needs and wants.[/quote]

The poster who wrote about this issue admitted there were way, way worse things going on like affairs, financial mishaps, etc. I would care much, much less about wiping a counter down than I would about my spouse cheating. You don't run around dusting while your house is on fire. [/quote]

Exactly - I wasn't trying to say that a clean house wasn't a real thing, but the PP mentioned infidelity and financial problems being issues in her marriage - in light of that, her anger about the house is misplaced.[/quote]

I'm the PP with the infidelity, financial issues, etc., on top of the messiness.  I know that the infidelity and financial issues are a way bigger deal, but they seem to make the smaller things more annoying and infuriating than they were before.  Like why can't he even just pick up his trash after he has created such havoc in other ways -[b] is it too much to ask to just put stuff in the trash?  Kind of just an everyday reminder of lack of respect. [/b] In any event, my problems are way bigger than the mess.[/quote]

This is EXACTLY how I see a husband's messiness - as a lack of respect. He is an adult. He is MORE than capable of picking up after himself. If you're married to a man who refuses to do this? It's a "real" problem. Don't discount it just because other people might say it is not that serious. If it is serious to you, it should be serious to him. That is how a good marriage functions.[/quote]

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