Reply to "The Dating Cultural Norm That's Making Everyone Unhappy"

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to ""The Dating Cultural Norm That's Making Everyone Unhappy""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is not that women outearn men. The problem is that right now, money is the ONLY thing men bring to the table.

The vast majority of men have very little to offer other than a paycheck. How many men can run a household? Plan weekly romantic dates? Have an interesting conversation? Make a woman O every time they have sex? All things that woman can do easily WHILE holding down a full time job. Probably less than 1% of men can do these.

And now that women don't have to get married just to survive, they want more in a man than just a paycheck.

Most high-earning women (I'm one of them) don't care if a man earns less. I would happily pay most of the bills. What I DON'T want is to pay the bills, and then come home to a man who is completely clueless about what to make for dinner, who the kid's pediatrician is, what I'd like to do for a date, etc.[/quote]

I'll bite.

Your assertion that the vast majority of men have very little to offer other than a paycheck weakens the credibility of your argument and indicates your bias.  Certainly there are men, likely over 60 years of age, that fit your profile.  But there are many younger men who contribute in meaningful ways outside of just having a paycheck.  Just go to the grocery store or any park before 10am on a Sat or Sun.  You will see these men, with a baby carrier, shopping for groceries or taking their kids for a walk in their stroller.  There are also many men who can cook and do the cleaning inside of the house, which will harder for you to observe for obvious reasons.

I think your expectation that a man can not run a household is a moot point since men and women are different and likely would operate their households differently.  I am going to generalize here. Men care less about a LOT of things.  Women care a LOT about a lot more things.  For example, a man might not care that their marble kitchen island is not clean at the end of the night.  They might not care that there is bbq sauce that will stain the marble.  Their attitude might be that they can just replace the marble on the island next year.  A woman might care more about that and want to clean the island and wipe up any spills before she shuts it down for the night.  While this may not be an example that will resonate with your personal situation, I think you can understand my point.

This is the same with going on a romantic date.  I am going to generalize again.  A man may not have a strong preference for a specific cuisine or restaurant, or even where they sit in a restaurant.  A woman might care about the service at a restaurant, that they don't sit too close to the door, etc, so as a result, many men may ask their wives where they want to go so that they are not disappointed with the restaurant.  Yes, the mental load is transferred to the wife to make a decision of the restaurant but it may not be an abdication of the responsibility but rather a desire to make their wife happy.

I realize that my response is way too long so let me get to my point.  Your statement that you would not care if a man earns less belies your dissatisfactions in your marriage.  I say this with kindness and gentleness, you will not be happy if your man does all of the things you want because happiness does not come from what your man does.  If you can find it in your heart to be happy with your man, you will be happy with what he does.  Sending you good vibes and leaving you with patience and love for your husband.[/quote]

Men not caring is why women are opting out of relationships.

Imagine a man telling his boss and coworkers, "I don't care about the spills I leave on the break room counter. I don't care that you don't want to look at it. I don't care that you have to clean it up so that you can use it. I don't care if it stains the counter and we have to replace it. It's not coming out of my paycheck, and I'm not the one who will have to order it and coordinate the replacement".

Or imagine that same man has to take a client out to wine and dine them. He tells the client, "I don't care where we go. I don't care if they have bad service. I don't have any input or recommendations. Why don't you spend your time researching places on your phone, and while you're at it, you go ahead and figure out your own transportation and please don't talk to me too much during the dinner, I want to watch the game".

A man who behaved that way at work would be fired very quickly, and disliked by his coworkers, boss, and clients.

The entire point is to think through how your partner is impacted by your choices and actions. The entire point is to give a damn and live in a way that shows consideration and respect. If you want to live the same way you did as a bachelor, then there is no need for you to be in a relationship - the whole point of a relationship is to meet another person's needs.

And you have distorted the idea of "relationships don't bring happiness". That means that you SHOULD be able to find happiness while single and not rely on a relationship as your only source of happiness. But a relationship with a mooch and a loser will absolutely make you unhappy. [/quote]

DP, the fact you (and many others) often use the comparison with a DH and his boss show how weird your relationshp-dynamics are. We are not the boss at home with DH reporting in as our subordinate.

A better comparison is how a man treats his equal peer. If you think men are doing equal work in the work place cleaning up spills, rather than searching for glory projects, I have news for you.

Someone else posted about finding the right restaurant for a client. Really? I go to client dinners and lunch all the time. It’s holiday season, we have to send gifts. Assistants are leading the detailed charge on these things - not the male employees.

Of course, not all men are like this. Some are awesome at work and home. But many of you are accepting that something happens at work that doesn’t happen at home. You might want to look closer at what that “something” actually is.[/quote]

The comparison is because men keep saying they “don’t care” about things like cleanliness but that’s the reality of being in a shared space with other people. There’s a standard that has to be held.

If you don’t like work, think instead of roommates. With roommates there’s an expectation that you clean up after yourself because it’s the right thing to do and makes things nice for everyone. I’ve had male roommates, and they had to clean up after themselves and we rotated chores. They were all perfectly capable of doing it even though they may not “care” about the spills they left on the counter or the garbage overflowing onto the floor.

If men can’t be good housemates, can’t do romance, and basically want to live as if they were bachelors but with a woman in the house for them to sleep with - then they need to stay single. Women have realized men who are nothing but a paycheck aren’t worth it. You can have a roommate if you need to split the bills, a sperm donor if you want kids, hookups if you want sex.

The men who sit around crying about it are going to be left behind. It’s time to step it up and bring more to the table than a paycheck, or you will remain single.

I know a woman who spent her 20s and 30s building an incredible career. At 40 she became a SMBC with donor sperm and can afford all the help she needs. I think right now that’s the ideal - it’s much easier than going the traditional marriage route. [/quote]

Sounds lonely.[/quote]

The loneliest women are those stuck taking care of men who can’t even be bothered to clean up or take them on a date. [/quote]

And the loneliest men are those who bust butt to support their family and pay for EVERYTHING by working in a performance culture where "what have you done for me lately?" is the rule, and handle all the cleaning and logistics, while their teacher (with guaranteed job) wife spends her income on massages and pedicures and uses ADHD as an excuse to trash the house, "not see" her messes, forget commitments, be late for everything, have constant disorganized drama, ignore the kids, and spend the weekends on her phone or with her girl pals because "she needs a break" from work. [/quote]

Must be my adhd husband’s twin sister!

Welcome to the Dumped On Working Spouses Club!  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics