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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here-  For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

[/quote]

When a child doesn't put their shoes on when asked, the usual way to deal with that is to just put them on the child.  That's pretty common.  Your way, of avoiding the issue by putting the shoes near the child and then moving away, is what I do for my ASD DC.

I don't think grandma is the issue here.  Not sure if it's your DC or your parenting style, but something is unusual.  [/quote]

I would have absolutely given clear and firm instructtions ("put your shoes on") and then if he didn't, i would have also attempted to put them on myself. But if he started yanking his feet away, thats when I would have just said "We're leaving. Put your shoes on" and walked towards the door. Signaling that its time to move on. I don't think thats permissive. I guess is more gentle that spanking him?[/quote]

And what happens when he still doesn’t put his shoes on after you have walked towards the door and you actually need to leave?  Say you need to get to work or a funeral or the hospital or some other non-optional event that you can’t just call off?  What do you do then?[/quote]

DP, but I also wouldn’t not get into a physical power struggle with an upset 4 y/o because that is likely to end up escalating and leading to me getting kicked (this is only something I’d do with a toddler who can’t be reasoned with).

In my house I give a “shoes on in 5 minutes” advance notice with some buffer time built in. If they do not out them on in 5 min, then I give a warning like “if we do not leave the house in 2 minutes we will be late to X event, and if we are late then we will not have time to do Y thing (something they want to do) later.” Or even just if we are late then people will think we are rude or whatever other natural consequence flows.

Basically I would try to make a logical connection to time being wasted.

Worst case if I really *had* to leave the house then I’d get them in the car in bare feet and bring the sneakers along. Hopefully they’d be calmed down by the time we get there.[/quote]
Thank you for showing an actual example of natural consequences. Hitting a child because they dont put their shoes on right away is NOT a natural consequence, and I worry for that pps parenting skills. [/quote]

You misunderstood.  The hitting as natural consequences is not for not putting shoes on, specifically.  It’s for being so completely rude and disrespectful that you have frustrated a person to the point that they want to hit you to make you stop.  That doesn’t mean that person is CORRECT in hitting you, or even that you deserved it.  It simply means that, like it or not, your own behavior does have an effect on other people, and that sometimes other people will lose control and hurt you, or hurt you because they think you have it coming.  Essentially, this is an incredibly low stakes version of FAAFO.[/quote]
You completely misunderstand (willfully likely) what natural consequences are. No child should be hit because YOU are frustrated. Hitting someone else is relieving YOU of anger and frustration. It is not teaching a child anything.

You are actively victim blaming here, and its wildly inappropriate. No, girls did not "Ask for it" while wearing a short dress. But to you, that is a "natural consequence" of dressing in a mini skirt and bikini top. The person doing the violence is always the one to blame, dismissing it with gentle language or saying they had it coming is disgusting. [/quote]

And blaming someone else for the violence, and ending the conversation there, doesn’t empower your child to learn to avoid or at the very least not escalate situations that have a likelihood of becoming violent.

As to your silly example - “Asking for it” and “probably should have anticipated it could happen” are different.  The latter is reality, unfortunately, no matter how unfair it is.  I would prefer to teach my daughter that it’s a terrible idea to stroll down a dark alley in a mini skirt and bikini top, rather than reassuring her in the emergency room that she is not to blame for whatever someone neither she nor I have any control over chose to do.  The world is what it is, and it is our responsibility to teach our children how to live in it.  Sorry you think that’s disgusting.[/quote]
This must be a man. Honestly really disgusting. I hope you don't have daughters. How many women have you r@ped? It sounds like quite a few women have been "asking for it" while in your presence. [/quote]

JFC you are out of your GD mind, lady.[/quote]
Ever since this forum was posted on reddit so many incels have found it. Ugh. Go take your r@pe culture elsewhere incel. Why are you on a mom & dad forum if you have no kids and no one will sleep with you?[/quote]

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