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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "I hate where we live."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants. Move. [/quote] It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."[/quote] Having a bigger house or access to good schools are not purely a status choice those. I don't think I'm "status-obsessed" and I generally don't care what people do, how much money they have, the brands of their clothes or cars or colleges, or who they know. But if I had the chance to live in a bigger home, I'd jump at it. Not because it would impress anyone but because I live in 1100 sq ft and sometimes it's tight. And yeah, all parents want good schools for their kids. There may be status loaded into "good schools" for some people, but for plenty of people it's about actual concrete benefits, like having kids at a school with low teacher turnover or that offers extra-curriculars their kid would enjoy. Moving in order to afford more space, nicer neighborhoods, or better schools is not automatically about status. It's mostly about cost efficiency.[/quote] It's about money. Which is closely tied to status. It's not about any of the other nonsense reasons being bandied about. People moved to d.c. when younger thinking they would win the game but it's highly competitive. Most people can't be winners in that game. Many people have unrealistic expectations and are entitled. There is also resentment. Why doesn't my husband make more money? It's all his fault. Doesn't he know I only married him for the money and status I thought he could provide to me? I am unhappy, it is his fault, therefore his wants and needs don't matter. If he doesn't do as I say I will kidnap the children. Makes sense.[/quote] Money is tied to status. But they aren't the same thing. Money is just a useful thing you need in order to live in society. You can have a lot of money and low cultural status (I know lots of rich rednecks in Texas and the midwest like this). You can have high cultural status and not much money (sometimes true for artists and authors and academics). Choosing to move to a place where your money goes further, specifically because it's a lower-status place without the caché of being a major city, is not really a status-conscious choice. Sure, one benefit might be that people there are less likely to look down on you for having less money than they might in DC. But the main benefit is that you can just afford more things and a higher quality of life with the same amount of money. Also, there are other things tied to status and moving can actually give you lower status as a result. Lots of places associate a lot of status with how long you've lived somewhere, whether you're a "local" or not. So moving to a lower COL area from the DMV is sometimes a choice to have lower status but higher buying power. Status is complicated and the idea that the only reason anyone would want to move out of the DMV is because they think their status is too low here and would be higher elsewhere is a weird and, in many instance, wrong assumption.[/quote]
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