Reply to NYT Article on "Rise of Single-Parent Families is Not a Good Thing"

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Reply to "NYT Article on "Rise of Single-Parent Families is Not a Good Thing""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So what is the moral of the story here?
We have immoral men who do not live with the mother of their offspring, or are the mothers bad 
Now someone even suggested women should breed for Charity because every adoptee gets guaranteed 2 parent home that will never experience divorce, parental unemployment, disability or end up on welfare[/quote]

The first step is for society to universally acknowledge the evidence that there are some circumstances that lead to more favorable outcomes statistically. (This doesn’t mean you don’t personally know of exceptions to the ideal. There are, of course, evil people who do evil things in two-parent families and there are exceptionally-successful good people in single parent families…that’s not the point)
The point is that striving to create two-parent families is the best outcome on average for most circumstances and results in positive outcomes for the financial, academic, and socio-emotional well being of the child.
Acceptance and support for families who do not operate in this model for whatever reason is also important for society. But it does society a disservice when we pretend all outcomes for any circumstance are equally desired. It’s okay to have a standard and ideal outcome, figure out the most likely way to achieve that, and promote that as a value.[/quote]

Or is the point that striving to create better societal supports for single moms the point? As a society we're moving away from marriage as the ideal, and for many good reasons. How do we keep up with changes in a way that prepare the next generation to succeed? After all, they're tomorrow's leaders. [/quote]

Whatever the government does - it can't compensate for not having two parents in terms of possibility of having two earners and possibility of splitting the labor of raising kids.[/quote]

Two parents in the home does not guarantee two incomes or equitable division of labor. [/quote]

That is true - but it's more likely [/quote]

It doesn't have to be equitable. Even if the division of labor was 10% to 90% it's better than 1 person bearing 100% of the burden.[/quote]

I'd take my chances on the alternative if I were in the situation you describe. Everyone has a different ability and or desire to deal with someone else's control issues, disordered personality, abusiveness, or whatever makes the set-up you describe palatable. We are not all the same.

People stay in objectively horrible situations for all kinds of reasons: fear, weakness, love, finances, or maybe they don't like making their own decisions or being alone. Others don't have the same fears, don't see child-rearing as a burden, and are well-resourced to go it alone.

Enough with the broad brush; there are lots of values to aspire to, independence, self-reliance, self-respect, honesty, and autonomy.

When watching my married friends interact, I often have to self-check to ensure my eyes aren't bugging out and my mouth isn't literally agape. Some of the disrespect directed by the more powerful towards, the less powerful partner on open display and being modeled is horrifying.

There is nothing like watching a friend turn crimson at a significant slight lobbed at her/him from a "loving spouse." Trying to recover quickly.

Or having to go on meds just to keep putting one foot in front of the other because what you will do at 22 for love gets increasingly hard as the years pile up and the estrogen levels drop.

No, thank you, one should stay stuck there for what? To model what? To what advantage? So many people are jumping all over the silly book for what? Because what?

Maybe it makes you feel better to compare your not-that-happy and not-that-well-adjusted family to a group of people whose social circumstances started out on a much lower plane than yours and, due to circumstances not having much to do with being a single parent, will stay stuck amongst the lower social classes. Okay.... pat yourselves on the back and say, "See, I did everything right. I got married before I had sex or had children or whatever" "I'm not on welfare, and I am not addicted to crack. I'm a success!"

Many people of lesser means, create lives in which they and their progeny also grow up with lesser means... is that the big newsflash?

How many of you get a family bulk discount at your local pharmacy because of all of the meds you pick up for yourselves and little Larlo/Larla, anti-depressants, ADHD meds, anti-anxiety meds, Xanax, Viagra for DH, and on and on? And yes, if such seemingly well-adjusted married families are creating the ideal setup and modeling family values that are setting your kids on the true correct and right path, then why are so many of them so depressed?

Maybe it's your fault because you are modeling your own next-level dysfunction on a daily basis and calling it normal. [/quote]

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