Reply to I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just don't understand why people defend hurting children. If your spouse hits you it's intimate partner violence. If another person hits it's assault. But somehow hitting children is okay.

I was spanked as a child. It taught me that hitting children was not okay. I remember seeing a mom spank her kid because he was hitting people at the playground. I guess she didn't connect the dots [/quote]

The purpose of any punishment is to inflict some form of pain or unpleasantness, whether that is deprivation of something enjoyed like a toy, or deprivation of a privilege like watching a show, or it could be a mild sting to your bottom.

Whatever it is, it is an unpleasant consequence that has the intention of deterring a repeat of the same behavior. It normally accompanies instruction or teaching about what is acceptable to do instead.

Parents are allowed and often required to provide such consequences, and they have the legitimate authority as parents to implement them. Children do not have the authority over other people to implement any of these consequences.

[/quote]

Studies have shown that punishment of this variety -- "unpleasant consequences" -- are of minimal effectiveness. Study after study shows that positive reinforcement beats punitive action every time.

Punishments like spanking often actually increase misbehavior. So often the behavior a parent is trying to correct is something a child is doing accidentally, impulsively, or in desperation. They are young and don't have as much practice at being people, so it can be very difficult for them to control behavior. They are still learning.

When a child can't figure out how to control the behavior that is getting them spanked, they will resort to other methods for avoiding punishment -- lying, blaming others, running away, or attempting to justify behavior through argument. This in turn is seen as more misbehavior by the parent, requiring more punishment. It's a downward spiral.

Positive reinforcement coupled with actual guidance (tools to help children control impulsivity, understand alternatives to negative behavior, and fix accidents on their own) offers an actually productive path to raising kids who make good choice, communicate well, and treat others with kindness and respect. It's really the only reasonable approach to parenting and a mark of a truly authoritative parent who understands their role.

Being a parent is not an entitlement to punish children. It's a responsibility to teach them. Spanking is a cruel and ineffective method for teaching children.[/quote]

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