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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Millennial with boomer parents here. I think my parents would describe themselves the way you describe yourself… but here’s what it’s actually like:

- They announce that they are coming to visit, even when we have plans to see then less than a month later. They don’t ask, the announce, and lay on the guilt if I say no. 
[b]So what? They are adults and can be left to handle their dissapointment.[/b]
- When we do visit, they just go about their daily lives—lunches with friends that we aren’t invited to, work, etc., meaning that I have given up my weekend as a full-time non-WFH working parent with a demanding job just so they can tell their friends I visited without actually maximizing the time together. 
[b]OK? It’s a known factor. Either make the choice not to visit (valid), or tell them you will only visit on the condition that they actually spend time with you (valid). Make a choice, live that choice, and stop complaining. If you continue visiting with no conditions, then own it: that is a choice you have made, so no complaining.[/b]
- My dad is a yeller who lectures as a grown-ass adult me in front of my own child.
[b]Stop accepting this treatment. Tell him beforehand: if you yell at me, we leave. If you are in my home and you yell at me, you leave. Stop accepting this bad behavior. If you continue to choose to accept it, no complaining: own your choice.[/b]
- I’m financially independent, but my parents like to throw around that they’ll pay for whatever it is I say I’m planning to spend money on (swim lessons, other activities). I never take them up on their offer, but it makes them feel like they’re paying for it so they can give themselves a pat on the back. 
[b]You never take them up on the offer, so what’s the problem, exactly? They are offering to pay for things, and you decline? OK.[/b]
- My mother complains that I don’t talk to her, but whenever I have tried to tell her about my life, she interrupts and starts talking about her. I have given up trying to have a meaningful relationship. 
[b]OK, so either stop calling or interrupt right back. Do you get it? INTERRUPT RIGHT BACK. “Actually, Mom, I’m still talking. And it’s really boring to talk to you because you always interrupt and make the conversation about you. If you interrupt me again, I’m hanging up. Grow a spine.[/b]
I know I probably don’t always say or do the right thing, but I’m exhausted from balancing everything, and I just don’t have time for the exhaustion they create in my life. 
[b]Stand up for yourself and stop whining so much.[/b]
I could go on, but really examine your own behavior. I’m sure it’s you and them.[/quote][/quote]

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