Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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Reply to "Holding my boundary. Let him be mad."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the situation as described, OP did not signal dislike for her child. DH did, but even he held off on a verbal confrontation and did it over text.

If there is an agreement in place, as other PPs have said it should be honored and renegotiated calmly and in advance, not waived unilaterally on a whim by one of the parties, even if the agreement could be better. This is doubly true if the trust between the spouses, which is a prerequisite for giving each other grace and having good teamwork, is lost or not there, and needs to be built up.

However, to echo a previous PP, OP has issues too. She clearly dislikes her husband and resents him for the unemployment and being an unsupported breadwinner, which colors every interaction with her husband in the most negative light possible. She should own how much her anger and burnout are amplifying the strength and duration of her anger. That is probably more destructive to the relationship long-term than any specific splitting of the day. She's not some crazy career-obsessed automaton who hates her kid, but she is inhabiting the martyr role.

Based on OP's update, husband does not think he's in a confrontational situation and has gotten over his tantrum, and offered a deescalation. This is a chance for OP to calmly, kindly say why the text bothered her, or to unleash on him with full anger and bring it back to a fight mode. Her state of mind likely tempts her to the latter but it would be better for the relationship if she took a peaceful way out while still asserting what bothered her, using some of the language in the PPs.

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Op here. This is very thoughtful, thank you [/quote]

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