Reply to WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

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Reply to "WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't agree with quitting the team and leaving and do feel that a teen should be able to decide to some degree on how to handle this.

HOWEVER. many of these "snowake, helicopter" whatever comments are troubling. Most seem to suggest that the girl brought it on herself or that the other girls' behavior is just normal and the DD should suck it up.

I can only imagine that you have never been at the other end of gun.

When I was in 8th grade, the only way I survived a tortuous year long attack by my classmates was knowing my mom had my back. She didn't intervene much but knowing she would or could if I needed her to, and having her at home, is what got me through.

So yes. I think the suggestions to back channel colleges, the media, make a federal case are so extreme they should be dismissed.

But having mom, an ally and an adult help her through byhis somehow, is NOT helicoptering or creating a snowflake.

What those girls did is objectively wrong and objectively a big deal. Those downplaying it are maybe worse than the overreacters. [/quote]

It isn't about bringing it on herself. However the idea that these girls have all been amazing friends and then the entire team just decided for absolutely no reason to be cruel and mean doesn't add up. Behavior exists in a context. It is very, very rare that people are so psychopathic that their actions are driven solely by a desire to cause pain and suffering, particularly to friends / family. Her mom has been an ally - being an ally doesn't mean you go nuclear. Mom has talked and listened to her daughter and they have made decisions together. Mom not marching into the school or blasting on social media doesn't mean mom isn't an ally. And one incident is very different from your year long attack. I haven't seen a single post that reflects your view that this is totally fine and normal. There are a number of posters who think that the daughter should have input into the action mom takes or doesn't' take as it is her life being impacted. [/quote]

Let's say you're right and there were actions that OP's DD took that led to this behavior, do you think the behavior was justified?  I would not want my kid taking the low road, even if I felt there was some rational basis for the retaliation.  [/quote]

No, I don't think the behavior was justified. It was mean to give her the wrong date. That said, daughter knows more about the context is the one going to school and playing on the team so i would respect her input. Maybe the behavior will continue and in a couple weeks, daughter will say she has had enough and wants to tell someone, maybe the girls will work out whatever the issue was and move past it. [/quote]

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