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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school).  And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it.  I couldn't.  It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones.  She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not [b]in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny.[/b]  I'm thankful she is constantly [b]teaching the kids about the world, about morals[/b], about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults.  I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work.  We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family.  When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing.  Why would any resent that?

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Ahhh ... the irony.
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How is that ironic?  Do you think it is immoral that I'd rather have my children spend their formative years being cared for by someone who loves them deeply, is extremely well educated and intelligent, and thoughtful?  If you need two working parents to get by, then so be it.  But if you think that your children get care as good from their preschool or the nanny you found from some website or listserv, that either speaks to your delusion or the lack of better options at home.

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Immoral? Nah, just elitist and myopic. It's not about money – I guarantee I could buy and sell you.  It is the idea that someone who is not been afforded the same educational and life opportunities as you and your wife - and gasp! May be a different race – is somehow ill-equipped to teach morals and worldly behavior. Unless the worldview you want to promote is "don't let those poor brown hands touch my kid!"[/quote]

Someone calling someone elitist while simultaneously saying "I could buy and sell you". If you represent working women I'm glad to be on the intelligent other side. [/quote]

Deserved response to "if you need two incomes to get by, so be it."

What a loser.[/quote]

Why is that a deserved response to the two-income comment?  (That was my comment, by the way.)  I'm just saying that if you need to have all parents work to stay afloat, that needs to be respected.  If both parents just want to work rather than having one stay home with kids, just be honest about the realities of the child care situation.

As for elitist and myopic, again, how so?  Daycares -- and we have occasionally sent our kids to relatively very good ones -- are at best just entertaining the kids and keeping them from hurting themselves.  There are too many kids for real, individualized attention, and frankly, the "teachers" rarely seem very smart or thoughtful.  Certainly not as smart or thoughtful as my wife, and certainly do not love my kids as much or care as much about their development as people.  Again, I'm sure it is fine, but it is clearly a step down.  Let's just be honest about this.  I think a lot of the working moms here feel guilty and lash out at any suggestion that the kids are receiving subpar care.

The whole thread is about resentment though.  And the point is, why resent someone who is willing to stay home with kids and take care of the household?[/quote]

So lots of holes in your thinking. First, you pretend to know all about daycare - there are some great,  high quality centers and home daycares in this area - but you know nothing, NOTHING about them because the random drop off daycare your non-working wife drops them off at so she can grab her mani-pedi doesn't count. You can't talk about the merits of having a SAHM and be an expert on daycare. Sor.

Also, you conveniently leave out how much it sucks for your kids and you that are a paycheck while your wife "raises" them. Again, can't have it both ways. If working parents are having their kids raised by the lowly daycare staff and nannies who take care of them during working hours then you can't be raising your kids if you work. Many parents who both work actually stagger stuff so they both see the kids a lot - my husband goes in at 9 after kids get on the bus and I'm home by 6 when I don't WFH 2x a week. I'm betting you've never stayed home with a sick kid, gone to a dr. appointment with your kid, or volunteered for a field trip? My husband does and did all the time and you can really see it in his relationship with our kids.

Also, we used high quality daycare at my husband's work for a few years, then switched to a nanny. Our nanny was "uneducated" but she is the kindest, most patient, hardest working woman I know and my kids benefited greatly from her love and experience. She also taught them fluent Spanish. There are so many advantages to having others help raise your kids.

You also have no idea how your wife will feel about all this in 10, 15 years when the kids don't need her as much and she has been out of the workforce for over a decade. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't, but your smugness about it all is not really appropriate at this time.

If your current situation is working for your family, that's swell. But to act like it would be perfect for every family or you just can't fathom why others make different choices, is just silly and makes you look foolish. [/quote]

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