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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][code]There are numerous posters here posting about how it is completely normal and okay to describe someone who is lazy and careless and is unwilling to cut a watermelon when asked, as lazy and careless. Don't want to be called lazy and careless? Don't be lazy and careless. And just because a woman vents online about you doesn't mean she won't "take action" and divorce your lazy ass. She may love you but she can stop loving you and from there it takes time to decide to pull the plug.
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[code]Your post conveys a great deal of harshness and judgment. Because you label someone in your family lazy and careless does not mean that they are.

You would be doing your family a favor by taking action and pulling the plug.[/code]

[quote]So you can say my family would be better off without me based on...I'm not sure... but women shouldn't describe their lazy and careless husbands accurately?[/quote]

If you reread your posts, you will find several indicators that your family would be better off. Start where you describe your husband as lazy and careless, and go from there.

Every time I have asked if you label your children in the same way as you do your husband, you have ducked the question. Do you? Do you label him in front of them? Answer that one question, truthfully.

Did your mom label your dad in the same way you advocate here? The more I ask about how you live your life, the worse it looks.[/quote]

I actually haven't described my DH as lazy or careless here. But he certainly has done lazy and careless things. After DD was born he was absolutely a lazy and careless person. [b]It took a lot of work on my part to convince him to behave like an adult and a parent and now we are in a much better place.[/b] You are free to opine on how much better my family would be without me, but it's a horrible, abusive thing to say about someone you've never met and know next to nothing about.

Sorry you want more specific details about my family that I am obviously not going to provide to an abusive troll. Life is unfair sometimes![/quote]

Dp +1
 
That was a good move for your children.

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It was. One of the things that has helped a ton is knowing that many, many other women experience similar issues with their husbands. That's right, by venting to friends and on forums like this one. Knowing I am not alone makes it easier to stay calm and firm.[/quote]

If that works for you. Women in the culture where I'm from bury emotions, vent, issues never resolve and the cycle repeats. [url=https://websites.umich.edu/~bbushman/PSPB02.pdf]Psychological research suggests venting - while can be effective - is unhealthy in most cases, and alternatives are suggested. [/url]. These studies are consistent with my personal experience.

Whatever you did to convince the person you married to behave like an adult and parent, great for you.[/quote]

I tried to find the part of this study that relates to women sharing with each other brief stories of careless and lazy behavior by their spouses and couldn't find anything.[/quote]

That's because this particular study p727 offered a punching bag as the venting mechanism, among 9 other alternatives. It's apt insofar as the participants are offered a clearly distinguishable venting mechanism for the purpose of the study. For story-sharing the research is as described, can be effective but not in most cases:

[quote]Can something that feels so good really be so wrong? Bushman says it’s not always a bad thing to get something off your chest. Talking through a negative feeling with the goal of understanding why something bothered you and how to better respond in the future, such as with a therapist, can be beneficial, he says. And you don’t need to make yourself meek for the sake of avoiding anger, Cougle says; when someone has genuinely wronged you, or you've encountered an infuriating situation you have the power to change, it’s okay to speak up about it.

Venting becomes less helpful, Cougle says, when it’s mean-spirited—when you’re just out to make your mother-in-law look bad, rather than make yourself feel better—or when you’re re-treading the same ground you’ve covered dozens of times before, keeping yourself stuck in that past anger without trying to move past it. “It’s all a matter of degree,” he says.

The person listening to your rant matters, too, research suggests. One 2023 study found that people with vast social networks often felt worse when they vented, whereas those with smaller circles felt better. That may be because people with big networks tend to vent to lots of people, some of whom may not respond well, whereas people with fewer social contacts are more selective with their audiences and the way they talk about their problems, the authors hypothesize.

When you feel yourself getting stuck in the quicksand of venting, look for healthier coping strategies. If yoga and meditation aren’t your thing, try a quick shift in perspective. Bushman’s research supports the “fly-on-the-wall” technique, which challenges angry people to imagine themselves as a third party observing the situation that made them fume. A 2019 study also found that it’s healthier to look for broader meaning in an annoying situation (Think: “you can’t always get what you want”) than to fixate on every last infuriating detail.

~https://time.com/7098679/is-venting-healthy/
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I repeat, if sharing lazy/careless husband stories on DCUM is healthier for you than Yoga or Meditation, but all means, share stories about the lazy person you married.

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You are misrepresenting what you quoted (which does not remotely say venting is bad in most cases) and also suffer from either/or thinking where sharing stories seems to take the place of any and all other responses to challenges. [/quote]

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