Reply to Both my husband and I have no friends

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[quote=Anonymous]I was married to someone who had friends when I met him. He let all those friendships go except for one who lives in a different state. That friend got so tired of trying to reach out to my ex that he told both of us he was only going to reach out to me since  I'm the only one who kept the lines of communication open.

It was exhausting being married to someone like this. I'm very social and I still have lots of friends but couples socializing was not a thing in our life. I'm still friends with moms I met in the preschool through high school years but when it came to socializing with them as couples it never panned out because my ex was a bump on a log.

When he left the marriage he literally took zero friends with him. There was no one. I wish I had been honest years earlier about the many things that were not working in our marriage. Socializing was a big one. He went out with me and my friends but was incapable of cultivating relationships beyond that.

He did, however, cultivate a relationship with a client's support staffer so I guess he's not totally incapable of making new friends?

As to OP - coming from a different country is hard. My parents did it. They found a community of people from their home country who were the core of their social group. But they put in time and effort. They hosted lots of dinner parties and went to a lot of dinner parties.  Their circle was pretty extensive but I think it took a lot of work in the beginning.  My mom is in her 80s now and is still friends with women she met through our schools. She did parents association stuff and just got involved. Those friendships didn't translate into couples friends but they were and still really important to her.

Bottom line: relationships take work. You have to put yourself out there. Don't shy away the first time someone from your home country is a bit snotty or aloof. [/quote]

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