Reply to Parents of boys who became incels

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Parents of boys who became incels"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a problem that the entire discussion in this thread is premised on an assumption that boys are almost inherently at risk of going off the rails and becoming bad.  That assumption, which unfortunately has becoming deeply rooted in culture and especially in schools due to liberal political preferences, is the key driver for the problem you are worried about.  Right now, girls are boosted and treated like the future at every turn, even in implausible situations.  Look at the Super Bowl ads for one example, where, among other things, there was an ad where a minority female implausibly bested the entire men's football team (who were portrayed as hateful ogres throughout).  Until you all learn to respect and value boys, expect bad results.  Toxic femininity is real and a problem.[/quote]

Have you ever met a kid? Boys are (usually) confident to the point they need to learn humility, compassion and empathy. They need to be taught a lot emotional skills in order to not end up undateable in todays modern world where women will chose to stay single rather than marry them. That’s why we’re ending up with these incels.

Girls, on the other hand, (usually) develop the emotional skills early, independently and successfully. Where they need guidance is building skills like dealing with conflict and risk taking. Skills boys seems to develop more naturally.

That’s not toxic femininity. That’s basic child development. [/quote]

I have boys, and their confidence that they outwardly project is just bravado. They are deeply insecure, as are their friends. I don’t think tearing down girls is the answer. But, I do see tons of initiatives at least at the elementary level to empower girls and none to empower boys. Even our school gym has a big sign saying “girls rule!” with pictures of professional female athletes. Which is awesome. But they have nothing for boys that is similar. They have a girls coding club and a girls on the run club. Boys aren’t allowed to join either club unless they identify as nonbinary. Even my son’s Boy Scout troop has girls in it. I may get flamed but boys need spaces where they’re safe to be boys, with only other boys, and feel empowered and have strong same gender role models. Just like girls do. As it is right now it seems like girls are allowed into any space that was previously just for boys, but boys are not allowed into any of the spaces just for girls. Until we start celebrating boys for who they are and what amazing things boys can do, they’ll continue to flounder without a strong sense of identity, and that’s where the Joe Rogan types snatch them up and give them an identity- a terrible one. We need to catch them earlier and give them a better one, but as a society, the general message is “boys are bad”. [/quote]
Huh? Are you delusional? 
The school gym doesn’t have a poster of male athletes, because that’s literally the standard. ANY major professional sport is ruled by men, that banner is trying to encourage girls to stick with sports, as they more often drop out vs boys. 
Why can’t boys start their own club? Girls were excluded (and still are) from many male spaces, so they started their own clubs where they are allowed and allowed to be themselves.

Like, it’s f***ing crazy to me that people don’t see the history behind these decisions, and now decry that their boys are being discriminated against because girls have a girls coding club. No. That’s not how it works. And you are part of the problem if you’re raising your 4 boys to feel undervalued compared to girls and aren’t celebrating them on your own. [/quote]

I had this argument with my dad, a boomer who honestly wants what's best for everyone, but is at heart conservative. It worked for him and his generation, why change it? He would never exclude an individual, but he disapproves of active inclusion bc merit. 
He didn't like Biden committing to putting a woman of color on the supreme court. He said it should go to the best person and not be reserved for a person of a certain race and gender. I pointed out that [b]every[/b] supreme court seat up to 1967, and most of them since then, have been reserved for a person of a certain race and gender. He was speechless. I think I broke him. These ideas are SO engrained. Women and people of color have been SO erased that the very idea of including them is like discovering aliens.[b] It's going to take some time.[/b] [/quote]
I’m the pp you responded to, and I don’t disagree. It’s just so disheartening to see WOMEN decrying having spaces for girls. Like it’s been the opposite for thousands of years, but suddenly because girls can join scouts it’s the downfall of society? This is 100% the parents job, and people like this woman/mom are actually pushing their boys to join this movement. They are the ones who start this thought process - why aren’t there posters of male athletes?! (Like there arent f***ing any?!)- that their boys pick up on, and start believing. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics