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[quote=Anonymous]I feel bad for OP, who asked a genuine question and got pages of juvenile sniping.

OP, I only have a daughter, but she has male friends, peers, and cousins. They're older teens, and watching them grow up, I've been able to see for a while now which ones are going which way.

The better boys: do chores, are held to consistent standards (grades, behavior at home), participate in some kind of organized activity (often a sport, but D&D or Magic count) and exhibit curiosity. 
The concerning boys: spent a ton of time alone on their devices. That's it. That's the single unifying factor.

From the parents end: the better boys' parents have and enforce expectations and model accountability. The concerning boys' parents take a lighter hand. They don't encourage their kids to go outside their comfort zone in any consistent way, because it often means a fight.

But what's chicken and what's egg? I can see the argument that recalcitrant boys, the ones who really dig in and get obnoxious about any expectations, might cause their parents throw their hands up and turn their focus to fights they can win. The incel-trending boys are often resistant to everything, and it's just so much easier to leave them alone. At least when they're alone in their rooms on their devices, they're not fighting. This might feel like it's better for the rest of the household. And I get that. I've seen in happen in multiple families. That temporary peace isn't turning out to have been a good tradeoff.

I think it depends on consistency, early and often. A PP's comment about supporting their boys' interests, even if they're not "manly" really resonated with me. All parents should find something to share with their kids. Even if it means the parent has to learn something new, or do something they don't truly love. Maintain that point of connection. If they'll talk to you about Valorant (because you're not a total ignoramus and don't say dumb things like "why can't you just shoot that guy?", it'll be easier to talk to you about other things. This doesn't depend on HHI or having a SAHP, or public vs private school, or any external markers. It's available to literally everyone, and it doesn't take much. 
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