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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mom of two teens here with two observations:

1) my kids friends are all really great, smart, well mannered, kind kids. I couldn’t tell you which ones had SAHMs and which ones had WOHMs if I didn’t know their parents (I know many but not all and it’s a mix of both working and non working parents - they all raised awesome kids).

2) this concept of raising your own children is a relatively new phenomenon. Ever heard of the term “it takes a village”? I also have seen some studies that say that working parents now spend significantly more time with their children than stay at home moms did 20-30 years ago. Probably because there isn’t really a village anymore. [/quote]

Interesting how everyone is just passing by and ignoring this post. As a mom of older ES kids, I agree - all of my children's friends are wonderful kids. Some of them have SAHMs, some of them have two working parents. They're all great kids. If it makes you ladies feel better to put down working moms and tell us we're ruining our children forever, then fine, go ahead, but my kids have turned out great so far, even with a mom who sent them to daycare.[/quote]

I agree that there are great kids of working parents and great kids of stay at home parents. But the topic isn't about outcomes/how the kids turn out in the end as a result of who raises them. The topic is about who IS actually raising the kids and, although I'd never say this to anyone and think it's totally rude to do so, you can't really argue that parents who both work and whose kids either go to daycare or have a nanny or a grandparent or whoever take care of them are being 100% raised by their parents. They hardly even see their parents. They spend most of their time w/ someone other than their parents. It's just not possible that their parents are the main ones raising them.[/quote]

Except every parent with kids in school or preschool do this and you are saying only the SAH person is raising their Child, even though the working parent sees the child just as much.[/quote]

This thread is largely about kids who are not yet school age.

Though also lots of preschools are not full time so are not meant to be full time childcare -- my child attended a half day preschool starting at age 2.5 which was great and helped her get ready for kindergarten. It was 3 hours a day.

And even once you have school age kids... my kid is off today and tomorrow and monday. He's been sick 4 days in the last month due to RSV and a bad cold going around his school. 10 weeks off in summer. Winter break (2 weeks) and spring break (1 week). Random PD days throughout the year. And the kicker -- school ends at 2:30pm.

Even once kids are in school SAHP see their kids a lot more than full time working parents. And I say that as a working parent. You can't deny facts.[/quote]

He was in school for 3 hours (ours was 4) then he naps for 2 hours in the afternoon, that is 5 of the 8 hours for you (6for me).

So 3 hours (2for me) difference.

[/quote]

The idea is that working moms and sahms have similar hours with their kids is just patently absurd.[/quote]

It seems absurd until you actually write the hours down and then you realize that the minuscule amount of hours that a SAHP gets with their child versus a working parent is not big enough to justify it as a reason to stay home.

[/quote]

I guess if you cherry pick a SAHP with a very specific schedule this is true? And then a working parent with a very specific schedule? But you are not talking about most people on either side of that equation. You're talking about very unique situations.

Here was my schedule as a SAHP:

6am: up with baby and a few minutes with DH before he left for work at 6:45. If I was lucky I might squeeze a shower in then while he ate breakfast with the baby but usually there was not time because I'd be nursing or DH wouldn't have time to sit that long without missing his train.

7am-8am: toddler up and then I'd feed the toddler while the baby either played or hung out in the carrier. Then we'd all play together on the floor until baby started to get tired.

8am-8:30am: put baby down for a nap while toddler (hopefully) played on her own in her bedroom.

8:30-10am: I'd get the toddler ready for the day and then have her come hang out in my room while I got ready for the day (if I still had to shower she'd have to play on the floor next to the bathroom because she was not old enough to be unattended -- this went okay about 60% of the time). Then I'd clean up the kitchen and maybe take a 10-15 minute break for myself (sometimes using a short video to entertain toddler) and then we'd read books and play until the baby woke up.

10am-12:30pm: This was our outdoors window. Baby would be dressed and fed as soon as she woke up and then we'd be out the door (bag packed during baby's nap) and to the park and playground or the library or whatever. Baby in carrier and toddler in stroller generally but as toddler got older she'd walk more so we'd go slower. Lots of talking to them about what we see and greeting neighbors and answering questions. Sometimes we'd meet other kids and their caregivers. If I was lucky I might get 15-30 minutes at the playground to read if toddler was playing well with another kid and baby was content to sit or snuggle. Usually not.

12:30-1:30pm: Back home for lunch and then dual naps. This was the trickiest part of the day. Kids would not go down at the same time. Usually I'd put the baby down first and then the toddler but if either fought the nap this was hard. If one goes down much later than the other you lose your child-free window. I got it down to a science but then your kids get older and stuff changes. Oh well.

1:30-3pm: Naptime. If baby had a bad night I might also nap during this time but usually it was time to clean up lunch dishes and do some dinner prep. Usually also laundry (I tried to just have laundry going all the time so when I got a break I could fold). I'll note here that we did not have housecleaners or any outsourced help during this time. So I was also picking up toys and vacuuming and whatever to try and save time on the weekends when I deepcleaned. This was also when I'd sit down at my computer and do stuff like research preschools or plan a birthday party or text other parents for playdates or whatever. Call to check on my parents.

3pm-6pm: The hardest part of the day. Kids wake up and then I'd try to get us outside again. Often this would be an errand combined with a playground stop because I'd often need a grocery run or have to drop off an Amazon return or whatever. Hopefully they napped well and were happy. It was a juggle. I tried to be home by 5 and then I'd get dinner ready for them. Toddler might get a few episodes of Bluey (30 minutes max). Then more playing and hang out time.

6-7pm: DH home. I get a break in theory but usually this just means I finished making whatever he and I were eating (variation of toddler's meal but usually a bit more exciting). Shower if it never happened earlier in the day. If very lucky squeeze in a 20 minute workout first but let's get real.

7-7:30pm: Bedtime for kids. I'd nurse the baby while DH read to the toddler and then he'd rock the baby while I tucked the toddler in.

Here is my schedule as a working mom:

morning routine from 6-8am
drop kids off
work 8:30am-5:30pm
pick kids up
Then the 6-8pm routine was same as when I was a SAHP minus the nursing

So uh no -- I spent a lot more time with my kids as a SAHP than I now do as a working mom. They did not get much if any screentime and usually I was doing stuff *for them* if they did get some. They did not spend half the day asleep. By the time my oldest started preschool the younger was a toddler and was down to one nap anyway. I was spending 10 hours a day with them with pretty limited breaks.[/quote]

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