Reply to How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?

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Reply to "How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is death by a thousand cuts.  Absolutely not.

If a partner has ADHD, and they do not do the work to support regular consistency in completing tasks at home, whether that’s medication, behavioral tools, or a combination, they are not being a good partner.

This stuff wears, and they will be left alone one day “completely blindsided” by the divorce.[/quote]
It’s also death by a thousand cuts for the ADHD partner who is doing their best, still constantly telling themselves “I suck”, and then feels the impossible standards and disappointment from their spouse pile on when they are literally doing the best they can. [b]If your spouse has ADHD, it’s your job to learn everything you can about it so you can understand what life is like for them. There are many things you can do in your lives to make it easier for that partner. [/b]You have to stop being judgmental about the very real condition and start setting everyone in your house up for success. But also, unfolded laundry is just not a big deal. Jesus. [/quote]

Jesus.  No.

Your ADHD is yours to manage, and managing it is critical if you expect to live in community with others.  Get medicated, get yourself a coach, develop routines and tricks.  Communicate with your spouse about how you operate and why, and ask for their help where you need it.

The burden is on YOU.[/quote]
Both can be true. But just insisting your spouse is lazy or a jerk instead of trying to understand is a recipe for divorce. [/quote]

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