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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a rising senior and have been doing the rounds of many top 25 schools (universities and colleges).  We started with safety schools last year and then junior year grades came back so this summer we've been touring some top schools.  My kid is trying to figure out an ED. 
We have a rising junior as well so we have a couple of kids with us.

The more of these schools we tour, the less impressed I am.  They're sort of all a bit falling apart, poorly maintained, with pretty odd students (tour guides, summer students and especially touring students alike--don't jump all over for for saying this--being brutally honest), little sense of community, same-old, same-old stuff about study-abroad, etc.  Many have very large class sizes, etc.

I feel like we're (kid and parent alike) are supposed to love these schools and want to pay $90K for them and my kids can't find one they really like. I very, very, very much feel like we're being sold a product that we're supposed to want to buy because of prestige and name but when we see the product up close it doesn't look great and I feel like a sheep lining up to say "yes sir. let me put my kid through mental/emotional twister for a 5% chance of being admitted to your school and then I will gladly pay you $90K for the honor. Yes sir."  It just feels... gross.  Maybe not gross but yucky.  My kids are like, "well I didn't really like this or that here but I could probably make it work."  They too feel the pressure to LIKE these places.  The Almighty XYZ or ABC school!  It's supposed to be their dream!

Please don't jump on me.  I know it's summer and we're not seeing the universities at their best but ugh.  They're all kind of disappointing. I can't be the only one who feels this way?  (I'm not going to name university/college names because then this post will turn into a giant thread about whatever school(s) I name. [/quote]

Interesting. After visiting some elite private schools, I gained a greater appreciation for state schools.

At a state school, one can usually get a single dorm room if one is prepared to pay a little extra, while one generally has less control of one's dorm situation at a private. The residence halls at the state schools we visited were generally nicer, and the food was usually as good as or better than at the private universities. State schools often have more mental health resources and accommodations for kids with issues. One of my kids went to a very good OOS state university (engineering), and another to an elite private SLAC (biology and social sciences). My state university kid lived much more comfortably in air-conditioned dorms with laundries and kitchens in every residence hall, and the food was excellent. My SLAC kid lived in dorms without A/C and with decrepit bathrooms, had to lug their laundry to a different building, and was underwhelmed by the dining hall offerings. Of course, academics are more important than lifestyle, but people need to be comfortable. Both received excellent educations.

My SLAC kid had the advantage of being at a tiny school, meaning they enjoyed small class sizes and received lots of individual attention and support. My state school kid may have learned more though, because they took a very demanding program with a heavy course load. My state school kid earns about double what their sibling earns, primarily due to being an engineer. The state school kid also had better research opportunities.

One advantage of the private school, imo, was that my DC had friends with unusually supportive and nurturing parents. This was a huge advantage to my SLAC kid's social life as my kiddo was always welcome to visit friend's homes (in fact, they had several "second homes"), and the kids themselves were generally more self-confident and polished. My DH and I bonded with several of private school DC's friends' parents, who are now close friends (people we vacation with), while we hardly know the parents of state school DC's friends.

I've read that state and elite private schools are no longer very far apart in terms of quality of education. They often use the same books and cover the same material. Some state schools have excellent honors programs/colleges. Studies suggest kids with similar stats have similar outcomes, regardless of where they go to school. That said, a degree from Stanford or Williams must open doors and confer a sense of self-confidence. Good luck with the college search! I know how stressful that process can be! [/quote]

Thank you for sharing this! So helpful as I have several kids heading off to college in the next few years. [/quote]

PP here. Thank you! I'm glad it was helpful. I should also have mentioned that state school kid had a single (air-conditioned, fairly large) throughout the three years they lived on campus, while SLAC school kid was in a small double (no A/C) for those three years (they both lived off-campus senior year). I don't know if it had anything to do with sharing a tiny, hot room and the sleep disruptions that come with a double, but SLAC school kid was frequently ill, while state school kid never got sick. In the fall, we will be paying extra for a single with private bathroom at a state school for our disabled DC.

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