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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think once children have spouses or live in partners, family picnics are fun, even an overnight beach visit or similar is okay but longer travel or extended vacations are just too complicated.[/quote]
Why would they be too complicated?  You invite the couple (family), offer to pay what you can (not only for your kid of origin---you offer to cover airfare for everyone or the hotel/vrbo for everyone or the whole trip, whatever you want and can afford) and then you hold no grudges or any issues if they say no, because they are adults and get to choose how they spend their Time.

We currently have grown kids without SO yet.  We still include the kids on a summer vacation to Europe each year.  We fully pay, so they have chosen to come each year.  We will fully pay as well once their is a SO and/or grandkids. It's their choice if they want to come for some/part/all of the trip. If you have a healthy relationship with your kids, there is a good change they will want to come.  Hint: we also plan the trip with them in mind and select dates that work best for everyone's work schedule....sometimes they come for only half the trip, because they don't have enough vacation or work requires them to be back (due to projects).  [/quote]

Yours don't have any SO so it's hypothetical not an experienced opinion and you can afford to pay for everyone which is not a norm for average family. [/quote]

If we couldn't afford to pay in full, we would still invite them/attempt to plan something that works for most.  Point is, you attempt to have gatherings, without any pressure on them attending.  You involve them in the planning, if you want them to come and yes, you include SO if they exist.  You don't get upset if they choose not to attend, because they are grown ass adults with their own lives.  But if you are open minded and fun to be around, they will likely try to come on some of the trips---or you select simpler trips that appeal/everyone can afford[/quote]

Just like its easy for non parents to have all the parenting solutions, easy for non in law to have all the solutions. [/quote]

Quite different, actually. As I am married and know what it is like to have ILs, I also have friends who have ILs and who are ILs---so lots of experience to draw upon. I have lived life and seen what causes issues in many families and what works (for many).  I believe the key is to be open, welcoming, loving and don't expect/demand anyone attend---it's a simple invitation that all are free to turn down without any repricusions.  
If you host vacations/events and invite everyone without any concern for if they come or not (no explanation required if they cannot come, other than RSVP NO),and go about it in a carefree fun way, nobody should be upset.  We plan to include all of our kid's SO in any vacations once they exist.  Up to our kid and their SO if they choose to attend.  If not, no hard feelings, we will still continue to welcome them at anytime.

If you have a good relationship with your kid and their SOs, they might actually want to spend time with you.  I define good as one where you are equals, and don't hold shit over their heads and don't play favorites.  [/quote]

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