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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cheat because I don’t want to break up my marriage due to the kids. I love my DH, but I am not in love with him and I need intimacy and he refuses to provide that.

I give the married man I am with something that’s missing in his marriage. Neither one of us wants to get a divorce and we both wished that we would have met each other during different circumstances.[/quote]

I totally 100% understand how you feel this way and many others will. The piece you are missing though is how you would feel if your husband discovered it.[/quote]

And do you feel this is a healthy home environment for kids to learn from (cheating/lying mom, who is not in love with their father. Gets her intimacy needs met outside of the family. ) Don’t you think that is going  to screw them up??? You are kidding yourself, big time. [/quote]

The whole narrative of how a parent’s affair screws the kids up is ridiculous. My dad had an affair with my aunt (his sister in law), and they ended up marrying.  My aunt is now my step mom now. Big whoop. You learn to live with it. My dad is so much happier than he was with my mom.  [/quote]

DP. Yeah you have to learn to live with crappy things but sheesh you really don’t know what you’re missing out on. Frankly I think people who undergo family upheaval and say it’s nbd have issues they don’t realize they have. How old are you? Have you been to therapy? I wouldn’t be surprised if eventually you will realize this whole thing wasn’t the minor blip you think it is now.

[/quote]

It was obviously hard at the time when I was 18 onwards, but my mom was a classic narcissist, and I understood why my dad left.

I am 50. Of course I have done therapy, and my parents are in their 80s living their final years. Life is too short to hold grudges at this point. I also refuse to blame my parents on my issues. I own them.[/quote]

okay so it was a big deal that was hard and probably screwed you up a bit and you needed to go to therapy to work on it. [/quote]

Pp actually sounds like he has a very healthy outlook.  All of our parents have done some screwed up things, we don’t have to let their messes determine the outcomes of our entire lives.[/quote]

You can recognize that something was really messed up and that your parents made mistakes that negatively impacted you while not letting those things determine the outcome of your life. That's what most healthy people do. Downplaying bad things by saying things like "big whoop" doesn't help and could actually hurt because it might lead you down a path of denial.

I do'nt think that kids whose parents have affairs are guaranteed to have issues because of it; it's only if something spills over into their own lives that they will be impacted. And they can experience things much worse than an affair. But affairs don't often lead to *good* outcomes and we have to acknowledge that they can definitely have a negative impact on kids. [/quote]

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