Reply to How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Research has shown that teambuilding exercises can be very effective for newly created groups but completely ineffective for long-established groups with defined alliances, rivalries, and entrenched patterns of miscommunication.

To seduce a new love we must make the target believe in a certain persona.   To seduce a spouse we must make him forget the old persona and accept a new one.  I have not met anyone with the level of commitment and discipline that would be required to pull it off.  It should be easy because you know, from years of proximity, the meta-message that your spouse really wants to hear (i.e. "Yes, darling. If you had kept up your acting classes Johnny Depp would not have been able to compete. You have oceans of talent of which he can only dream.")

But the problem is that your spouse knows when you are BSing with a purpose.  You have to create the new persona, believe it, and live it, all while convincing him that the old was a flawed situational rendering of the real you.  This is why we have so much divorce.  As Sandra Tsing Loh noted, children, work, other friends and interests absorb so much psychic energy that almost no one has the huge amount available needed to make a serious effort to revitalize a marriage.

If I really wanted to start an emotional or physical affair with a spouse I would do something he wants but would never expect me to be willing to do.  If, for example, he likes costly gadgets and we argue nonstop about money I would go out and buy him a Wii (or whatever).  If I normally never initiate sex I would buy lingerie or the accoutrements for his fetish of choice and pin him against the wall, etc.  The sad thing is it still probably would not work in the long run because you would have to be willing to be the new person basically all the time.

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And even harder yet, how do I get him to seduce me...if I were even able to keep up a new persona all the time, how could I be sure he would in turn do so as well.  [/quote]

I'm not Rica but I think it's impossible to get your husband to seduce you. You can get him to be more "romantic" and more giving but seduction is for people who don't know each other that well. I do agree that it would help a lot to give him the things he really wants that you might have been withholding in the past.[/quote]

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