Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I never told my kids about the cheating, not even now that they are in college and grad school.  I found out and kicked now exDH out 15+ years ago, so they were so little, of course I wouldn’t have said anything to them.

But, TBH, telling them at some point in middle school in a neutral way (Daddy wanted to see other women while we were married and I didn’t agree with that so we separated) would have been a lot better than keeping his secret.  Kids have questions and when they don’t get honest answers, they make up answers - often incorrect ones. My kids made a lot of assumptions about their Dad, how loveable they were and, also, about me and why we were divorced.  Some of those mistaken assumptions sort of self-corrected along the way as the children grew older but not before causing a lot of damage to their self-esteem and their concepts about interpersonal relationships.

They still have an incorrect understanding of why we divorced, and TBH, it is really effing up their view of what a healthy relationship is and the value and risks of marriage and having kids.

The whole assumption that kids should or will never know about the cheating is very flawed, IME. [/quote]

This x 1,000[/quote]

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