Reply to I was so naive re marriage, career and kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think before you got married you should have had a serious conversation. In general men just cannot balance these things the way a woman would probably want them to. I know there are some men that are good at it. But if you're a person that's always going to be upset about how they just can't get it right you need to discuss having dedicated help. [/quote]

Come on. No one has these detailed conversations before marriage.

I’m the pp sahm with $2m earning spouse.

I am double ivy educated and earned more than Dh when we got married and when we had our first child. I hated missing bedtime and missed my baby terribly. Never in a million years would I think I would be a sahm. I thought I would be the breadwinner and Dh would be the default parent. I genuinely thought I could have it all and I tried for years. At the end of the day, I wanted to chaperone field trips and go to school on Fridays and lead the class in a fun activity or read a book to the class. I wanted to go to the school Halloween parade in the middle of the work day. I hated that sad look my kid had when I couldn’t attend his preschool class party and there was one for every freakin occasion. Some moms may not feel guilty but I always did. [/quote]

DP. I had that conversation with my spouse before marriage. We decided that both of us having a serious career was important to us. I am senior enough now to flex my hours. I pick them up, give them snacks, do parties at school, and take them to activities. My husband is a full partner and he does drop offs and doctor appointments plus a lot of the cooking and laundry. We’re a team and this was decided before marriage. I also deliberately married someone whose mom had had a big career to make sure he would understand what it was about. I’ve seen too many women step back — there are pluses and minuses to every road, but I didn’t want to be feeling unappreciated, bored, or resentful of my kids. It is more important to my husband that I’m happy than that he gets to gun it at work while I do everything at home. That was our balance, every couple has to figure out their priorities and go from there. If you’re lucky enough to have choices you need to make it work for you.[/quote]

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