Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to ""Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been there and 14 years later he cheated and lied and stole and like you I married him for his family and then discovered that they covered up his lies and discovered friends knew what he was doing and didn’t want to get involved.  Like you I never had chemistry with him and never had the butterflies.  Listen to your gut - please.  Really do you think if he knew the extent of your aversion
 That he would want you to stay with him? Everyone deserves to be happy including him.  I stayed for so long with this manipulative man because I would question my thoughts on him and question the red flags - and would sometimes think it’s being selfish staying in this but I knew he was the type of guy that could never be alone so I stayed because I didn’t want to hurt him or his family. 
And how would I be able to explain to his family.  I see way to many couples that shouldn’t be together that just stay for convenience and truthfully maybe the people telling you to stay are in that boat and that’s why they are giving you that advice.  I’m in my 50’s.  Don’t you think I so regret wasting my 40’s on a man who clearly didn’t know what the word love even means.  You are young seize the day.  Also do you think it’s fair for your children to be around 2 people that don’t have true love for each other.  The bitterness comes out - you won’t be able to stop it at times and they will see that.  What I would give to have my 40’s back.  I will leave you with this - my best friend used to tell me about her grandparents who were in their 90’s when they died and she settled for her husband.  Always treated him poorly and pined after the man that had gotten away.  Can you feel how sad that is to your very core? To spend all those years with the wrong man. I would never want to be that person and am grateful to my ex husband for cheating so I could escape him - well actually I’m grateful for the woman he cheated with because her decision to cheat on her husband and move forward with a life with him was what freed me!!   I am now living my best life and my genuine life and have never been happier.  Any day I would take the chance and excitement and possibility of meeting someone great over being in a fake life.  You should set your husband free - in the long run he will probably thank you. Do not live the rest of your life with regret and what if’s.  Also if he has really been a good guy and just not your guy then you should be able to have an amicable divorce which is another thing I wish I could have had.  If you leave it as is who is to say one of you won’t cheat and lead to so much worse of a breakup.  Stand out, don’t just be average and do what everyone else does in these situations.  Be bold and courageous and fight for the happiness of yourself, your husband and your kids - trust me - decisions you think you are doing for the good of everyone can so backfire and end up hurting everyone - lastly would you ever want the shoe on the other foot and for someone to recoil from your touch - would you want that person to just stay in that false love because they might not be able to find anyone else - to basically settle for you? My best friends husband cheated on her when I was still married and I remember being envious that she was out dating and had the chance to find real love as I was in this loveless marriage.  I used to think these things and then I would talk myself out of the obvious true feelings - don’t talk yourself out of things- anger and bitterness and sometimes hate are put on your heart for a reason - the universe, God, your instinct - however you want to label it is being put on your heart for a reason - do not shy away from the hard, painful things - they are there for a reason - I wish you good luck and you are brave for even putting it in writing - I didn’t even admit any of my feelings to any of my friends - I just stayed in the pain alone and looking back that’s the hardest part that I was too ashamed to voice my feelings to my closest allies because I knew they would hold me responsible to correct things and I was too weak to do the hard thing.  It’s never too late - unless your 90 and die essentially alone with the wrong person.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics