Reply to Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cheated, caught an STD, may end up divorced now anyway.  In retrospect, I should have put 100% into the marriage and then left.  I totally understand the state of mind of complete sexual starvation, and I put in a lot of effort to get things rolling for years, and years.  But now, in hindsight, with everything unraveling, it would have been better to have the cataclysmic conversation of we need to fix this or else its over than to be where we both are now.

[/quote]

Yep.  It should have been the tough but clear discussion and then make a plan for the next steps.  If you put in effort without understanding why from her side, it isn’t real effort from her perspective.

Good lesson.  Do you have kids?[/quote]

Yes kids.  We parent fine, we were living as roommates anyway having sex 1x a month or so.  That's probably gone, which I don't care but obviously the destruction to my kids lives is the concern. I disclosed, because she deserves to know before I potentially infect her
[/quote]

I feel bad for you, but isn’t having sex once a month good enough? I assume and agree that starfish sex is a turn-off. I was in your position, but got no sex at all for years. It is baffling how some women can ignore men’s efforts to improve the marriage, unless it is somehow done properly ‘from the wife’s perspective, as long it is done with sincerity. I found an AP and filed for divorce soon after. Loving the single life (left my AP too) now after being put in sex prison by the one who was supposed to love me.[/quote]

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